Angst in my pants

Appears my nympho membership has been revoked. My pussy is in lock-down. I cannot cum!

It's an issue that has reared its ugly head a few times in my life. That doesn't mean to say it makes it any easier that I know it's not a permanent state. It can last anywhere from a day to a week plus which is frustrating as fuck when all you need is that release, but you just can get over the wall.

I know it's a mental block. I get too in my own head and when that happens, I just need to ride it out. You would think knowing the cause would make it easier to cure but it’s not that easy.

My brain is a cunt.

I'm terrible for having no patience when it comes to my sex life. I think that's the part of me that is a nympho coming out. Once I become so horny that I can't stand it and have to play, I don't stop until I’m fully satisfied. So, as you can imagine once I get that build-up but no release, it's incredibly frustrating. I have in the past done some serious damage to both my pussy and my ass when I've got so carried away trying to come. I know I should give myself a break but I just cant. That’s when Daddy usually steps in and either puts me on a ban or crawls inside my brain to straighten it out and make me cum again – repeatedly. Its not easy though when he’s so far away from me and I get too worked up. At least he is willing and able to fix it though. Makes life easier when he can get access.

In past relationships, I’ve really struggled when it happened. With the teens’ biological father, it wasn't too much of an issue. He was quite selfish when it came to sex, so my not coming was nothing out of the ordinary. And my next relationship however he took it so personal. He would either refuse to touch me for a long time as he took it that I wasn't attracted to him anymore, or he would lash out demanding to know what is wrong with me: Was there someone else? Why couldn't just come like I had before? His frustrations just adding to my own till it became a vicious cycle. 
I could never tell him when I was feeling like this so if he initiated sex during a mental block, it became second nature is to fake an orgasm so he wouldn't get upset with me. Was that the right thing to do probably not but at the time it felt like my only option. I couldn't talk to the one person who I wanted to about my problem, not without him making it 10 times worse. So, to save having an argument, faking it seems like the best idea. He was still happy, and I didn’t get yelled at.

This however is the absolute worst thing I could ever do with daddy. I don’t know if it’s the D/s element to our relationship or if it’s because I feel different about him than I have anyone before him. But I cant be dishonest with him. I made it 6 years in my last relationship and 8 years in the one previous without either of them knowing or caring for that matter about half the stuff Daddy is interested in learning about me. There is also 100% zero judgement with him – I mean honestly, I reckon I could ask him to fuck me dressed as a clown while I ate pizza and his only issue would probably be where do we get a clown costume during a lock-down?

He is that chill with me that I don’t feel the need to keep secrets. Yeah, I might struggle with how to tell him things as I feel shame or cautious, but I always do tell him one way or another as I know I can vent and he will love me and my weird ways no matter what.

That’s a big difference when I have these mind blocks. I can tell him, and he knows its not about him. Its not even really about me not feeling sexual – Its my brain sabotaging everything. But that’s his play ground and he seems to know how to fix it, either by taking me so far out my own head that I have no choice but to cum or by going at it all angles in different angles, essentially kicking the door down with his mouth, fingers and or cock. Its scary having someone that powerful who can play your body like an instrument, doing things even I cant do to myself – That’s a lot of control to give someone. Thank fuck he’s worthy of it

Of course, that doesn't help me just know where we are lock-down. I spent all day chasing that release and at a little after 1 am I brought out the big guns - the mind fuck vibrator and large dildo. Twenty minutes in I had to stop, as it was starting to hurt more than I could tolerate, and I still was not able to achieve the glorious mess that is an orgasm. I spent the following few hours staring at the ceiling, wondering if one day he wont be able to reset me and I have to resign myself to having permanent knots in my stomach and never again being able to cum.

I cried myself to sleep in the early hours this morning.

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