30 days submission - Day 20

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

I think it’s definitely changed.

Some for the better and just now for necessity.

When I first started a sexual arrangement with Daddy it wasn’t as a relationship. Truth be told I was scared to let myself be with someone else like that again and had this weird theory in my head that so long as I didn’t fall in love with him I could have him in my life and he could still do whatever he wanted and I didn’t need to hear about it. I’m not one for the whole one-night thing so I wanted someone I could hang out with occasionally, have kinky sex with and then go on about my day, not getting my heart broken and getting my needs met. In those early days it was like a taster session of submission – I was able to submit to him enough to satisfy both our needs but then I started to realise that I was falling in love and I instantly tried to pull back. I was convinced it wasn’t gonna be what he wanted and I was gonna get hurt. I failed miserably and finally caved and told him how I felt – which he reciprocated and so started our relationship and my truly being able to submit to him.

So, what’s the difference?

Well in the beginning there was a built-in reservation with us. He wasn’t my “Dom" and I wasn't officially his sub so he could ask me to do things but he couldn’t exactly demand it. Where before he would stand in front of me and tell me to suck his cock, these days he can simply grab my hair and pull me down there if he wishes and I will gladly oblige. Now I feel like I can fully submit to him too. Were I was keeping him at arms length before, now I give him all of me and it has made our connection so strong. I have been able to cum I’m ways that I never have before and I have done things that I was never allowed to do before. I let him play about in my head, and he can now make my body do things I didn’t know it could. He has given me so much pleasure and I have discovered how much enjoyment I get from simply being his baby girl. I think I was made to be submissive but I just needed to find the right Dom. And now I have found him.

At the moment we are in a lock down, so I don't feel like I am able to be as submissive to him as I want to be and possibly, he needs me to be. I do feel like a terrible sub at the moment as there are things I want to do and should do for him but I either can’t as I have zero alone time to do them or cause my mental health has taken a negative turn I can’t get into the right mindset. It is frustrating but the fact that he understands makes me feel a bit better as he knows I’m not trying to be difficult and that I still want to be his sub.

It’s a very strange world just now and unfortunately my submission is something that’s getting affected too.

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