30 days submission - Day 17

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is absolute in my submission and it goes both ways.

There are things that I have told Daddy about that no other single person on this planet knows. There are perhaps a couple of therapists who are aware of some parts but as a whole he is the only one I have told the majority of my secrets to ... and that’s HUGE for me. The only way I could possibly have done that is cause I have trust in him. Trust that at some point down the line when we have an argument, he would never dream of throwing it in my face. Trust that he needed to know this information as he does on occasion use my head as his personal playground and he needs to know where the broken bottles and stingy nettles are so he doesn’t get hurt.

I also literally trust him with my life. A trust that is exercised every time he wraps his hand round my throat or restrains me and it’s a trust he has not only earned but he has respected.

In the beginning before we started using restraints he would pin me down with his hands – he is seriously strong and there were times where I had to perhaps say “wait a minute" or alert him in some way of an adjustment I needed to make (hair caught or boob pressing uncomfortably for example) and he instantly released. Now that things have got more intense, I am still as comfortable with him as I was in the beginning but he has now somehow been able to read my body so that I don’t even have to say hold on. He knows the positions I am most comfortable in (having big boobs can restrict breathing and not in a fun way) and we have kinda fallen into this groove where I’ve given up trying to work out his next move and I just follow his lead. It’s interesting to think how that dynamic seems to have started so naturally and that I feel, is built in trust.

Long distance I have to trust and be trusted more. It would be very easy for me to imagine him being with other women when he’s not with me – he’s gorgeous, funny and amazing in bed! He’s a lotto win! But genuinely it’s not something I have ever worried about cause I trust him. Not only that I see how he is with me, how he responds to me and how we talk. There is no doubt in my mind that he would never do that to me cause he does love me. Same goes with me, yes I have a child here but before the lock down, I had the majority of my days to myself. He could possibly have wondered if I was seeing other men, but I don’t think that thought has ever occurred to him and if it did, he has never questioned me about it. I think the reasoning behind him knowing I would never ever do that to him would be the exact same as my reasoning for him not cheating – I love the bones of him. Every single thing about him and for me, he is all I want. I have zero interest in anyone else because for me he is perfection in a kinky bearded package.

Yes, we are human and we make mistakes. There are times where he has maybe been a little harder on me than we thought and I have been hurt more than he intended but I know he didn’t mean it. I have fucked up and hurt his feelings when I really didn’t mean it and that still absolutely kills me inside but like I said we are human and we will mistakes, but there is the trust there that we love each other and have the respect for each other that we learn from those mistakes and continue to build hopefully a wonderful life together.

Without trust, that wouldn’t be possible.

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