30 days submission - Day 3

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? 
How do you feel when you express your submission?

I am a firm believer that in every relationship there is always a Dominant personality and a submissive personality. In this instance I have been primarily the Dominant party. Not out of a desire but out of necessity (and poor choice of partners on my part). I do wonder if this was possibly what caused many issues in these relationships, but I guess there is no use crying over spilled boyfriends.

It was in my last relationship that I started to have a desire to be the submissive partner in the bedroom. I had seen some BDSM heavy pornography and wanted to try it, but it wasn't something he was into, so I just pushed the desire down until we split up.

I had some experience with guys who claimed to be Doms between the time my relationship ended and when I met Daddy, but they were not what I was looking for. I didn't realise at the time that there is a huge difference between someone being a Dom and someone just playing.

When I started talking to Daddy and the conversation turned into the D/s topics I was free to ask him anything without judgement. He himself was a professional Dom so he was able to answer so many questions and even posed a few through provoking ones himself. It was he who opened my mind to the idea of a DDlg dynamic which turns out was exactly what I was looking for. I can function better under the guidance of my Daddy and I get a real rush when I do something that makes him happy. I also have the ability to express my bratty side safely (the part of me everyone in the vanilla world put down to my being a bitch) and sometimes in a way that may lead to punishment but that lets my mind almost reset afterwards. Having a Dom that I am not only in a relationship with but that I love unconditionally means I get to explore different aspects of my sexual desires too as I would never be comfortable enough to do this with a stranger and I know that I am 100% safe with him as he would never hurt me out with the context of agreed play.

When I am submissive, I am at my most calm. I feel better having someone take some of that control away which is kinda funny when you realise that as the sub you are ultimately in control.

I am a single mum and I have health issues that can often make life rather overwhelming. When you are responsible for everything 24/7 it can become too much and I will start to spiral, add into that if my anxiety or depression decides to come play then my mind turns into one giant cluster fuck. But Daddy has this weird ability to make me focus - I'm not sure if it cause he catches me quick enough or if he is just that much of a dominating presence in my life but when I spiral he can calm my mind. I need that! Him taking that element of control away from me makes my brain a little less muddy and I can focus on what he has asked me.

If it gets too far though and i get very overwhelmed, i find being dominated and "broken" is exactly what i need. I cant explain why but it works for me so i just go with it. I suppose its the masochist in me that is coming out.

No comments