Romance and submission

When I first entered into this relationship with Daddy I was somewhat reserved.

Being my first experience of BDSM, I wasn't sure what to expect but I was aware that most of the control and decisions in the relationship would be dictated by him. The very nature of being submissive means I relinquish control for the most part. 

I also assumed that with him being a former professional Dom, there would be little to no room for vanilla which I thought I was ok with, although I did think this meant no more romance to.

And boy was I wrong.

Vanilla sex is defined by Wikipedia as 
"sexual behavior that is within the range of normality for a culture or subculture, and typically involves sex which does not include elements of BDSM, kink, or fetishism" which in my prior experience was 'ok' but not enough anymore. Having felt what it was like to be dominated and made to cum repeatedly, who would wanna go backwards?

But here's the thing, it is possible to enjoy both. And somehow I've managed to fall upon a Dom who knows how to make both work.

Where as before vanilla sex was bland as hell - with Daddy, vanilla has suddenly got a swirl of chocolate sauce and a sprinkling of hazelnut on top.

And it's romantic as hell!

I challenge anyone not to feel weak at the knees when the man you love enters you and kisses you passionately at the same time. When he strokes the hair from your face as he sides his length inside you. When he kisses your neck or collar bone as you throw your head back while you orgasm. Yeah i like to be flung about and pounded till I scream, but turns out when you have that connection with someone, you can enjoy that deep sense of passion in a slow missionary position. Feeling Daddy take me in his arms and make love to me is just as much fun as our rough play. Not better or worse - but different. And sometimes that's good.

Perhaps the reason I hated vanilla life so much was because it was all I could get, but with Daddy, it's like I have a whole ice-cream bar to eat from and i can have any combination I like. The other day when we were making love he wrapped his hand round my throat as i came. While that's definitely more of a kink, when accompanied by slow passion and deep connection, its a magical combination. Just like when we are having a heavy play session and i'm taking a beating, he'll slow down between positions and kiss my back or shoulder gently, before going back into mean Daddy mode. These little things mean a lot to me and they are also little romantic gestures to me as he is showing affection, or making a point of doing things he knows i like.

I've also discovered that romance is very subjective. What one person finds as romantic can be drastically different to what another thinks. So when I thought I wasn't going to get to experience romance in this relationship, that was incredibly close minded of me. 

Daddy shows me romance in the same ways any other partner might. I get messages every day wishing me good morning, telling me he loves me etc. I get phone calls checking in with me, asking how my day is going. He takes an interest in some parts of my life outside our relationship and he does little things that I find highly romantic - making me food, bringing me coffee etc. (Yeah I know many don't see that as romantic but when you don't have that, it makes a huge impact when someone does it). While he doesn't bring me flowers, leave me little notes to find or buy me trinkets, there is nothing to say that because I am in a BDSM relationship, this won't happen in the future. 

To me, romance is the showing of someone how much you care and Daddy cares for me immensely. He shows this in various little ways - from smothering me in kisses and cuddles as we watch TV, to gently moving my hair out my face as he's fucking my throat. 

Like I said before, it's all subjective.



  1. Yes, so much this, I absolutely get where you are coming from with this. I have recently discover, or perhaps acknowledged that I need both the vanilla and the kink in my life, it's the vanilla with chocolate swirl I perhaps crave more than anything and you described the why of that so perfectly. This was a great read, thank you so much for sharing with us for#F4Thought x

  2. I totally agree with you and I needed more too. I also agree that a D/s dynamic can be very romantic, perhaps not in the cutesie way but in a way which is more fundamental. Thank you for linking up to Tell Me About. It is always good to discover blogs that I have not read before. missy x

    1. I feel i can be cutie still as in in a DDlg relationship - im so glad i discovered it and met Daddy :) Sex is so much more fun now xx

  3. First of all I would like to thank you for sharing with Tell Me About, Missy and I love hearing new voices.

    Secondly, it sounds like you have a very fulfilling relationship going. My experience was different in that our relationship had 20+ years of vanilla before D/s came to the party. Now, as you say, there's a whole icecream parlor of flavours to try, and while there isn't anything wrong with vanilla, (if that's your thing) now for us anyway, even vanilla comes with a D/s topping.

    I enjoyed reading this and will be following your blog momentarily 😊

    Sweetgirl x

    1. Awe thanks huni, am so glad i found you guys. I love your prompts as they make me really think about my voyage into BDSM.

      I think there is a time for vanilla but defo with sprinkles :) xx