Love languages

I wanna talk about love languages today.

I hadn’t heard about this concept before till I saw some people that I follow on Tik Tok talking about it. I googled and it actually makes a lot of sense.

The premise of the “Love Language” theory, written by Dr Gary Chapman, is that everyone shows love in different ways, from children to adults. And the way a person shows other people love can be split into 5 categories.

Words of affirmation 

Acts of service 

Quality time 

Giving gifts 

Physical touch. 

Each of the categories have their own unique traits that help navigate relationships, not just sexual but familial and friendship too.

I took the online test and I have to say I agree with my result.

My primary love language is Quality time with physical touch and acts of service coming in a joint second.

But what does that mean for me as a person, as a mum and as a sub?

For me spending time with someone is important. Getting their undivided attention matters so when I am with family and friends that are on their phones all the time it bothers me. In the same hand I don’t like being on my phone much while spending time with people. Yes, I will check it if there is a message I’m expecting but 9 times out of 10 I don’t look unless the other person leaves the room. Something which seems to annoy a lot of people as they are like “check your damn phone!”. When I’m spending time, I spend time. It doesn’t necessarily matter what we are doing either though pre covid I was a fan of meeting for coffee or having a meal together where you can properly talk with the person. Now I’m happy to watch a movie or play a game with the teen or Daddy and to me it still feels like quality time as we are making memories.

Physical touch is self-explanatory but again it's not limited to sex. I am a tactile person and I like to hug. When I greet family, I do so with a kiss and a cuddle. That is how I was raised and it’s how I have always been. Obviously, there are limits to this. If I meet someone new, I’m not gonna go in for a kiss but depending on the circumstances, I usually give a hug. When I first met Daddy in Costa Coffee, I was at the table drawing while I was waiting for him. When he arrived, I stood up and gave him a hug. Weird? Possibly but to me it was second nature. I had been talking to him for a few days and I felt comfortable with him so that’s how I greeted him. A year later and I still give him a kiss and cuddle when I see him. I hug my bestie and we give each other kisses on the cheek. Same with her girls who I see as nieces. I’m all about showing affectation. 

It presents in subconscious ways too. For example, I am typing this I am sat with the teen. He is down by my feet reading his book, and we are touching legs. I moved my leg away a bit as an experiment and a few moments later he subconsciously moved his leg back over, so we are touching again. I’m confident to say one of his love languages is physical touch too – he’s 13 and still likes to cuddle up next to me when there is a whole sofa he could stretch out on. I’m not complaining though. Taken as something between Daddy and I, its obvious how physical touch could strengthen our relationship but even excluding sex, we still touch. He gives me little forehead kisses; we cuddle while we watch TV and even when we are asleep we are touching – be it a cuddle or an outstretched foot.

Acts of service is one that I knew about. I didn’t know it was called a love language, but I was aware that when some does something for me around the house, I felt emotional and grateful all in one. To me the are reducing my workload which makes my life easier and I appreciate the hell out of that. I get giddy when someone makes me dinner and if they do a chore I hate like gardening, oft I’m all about showing appreciation. I can see where I flip that too. I like to take care of my family which usually means I will cook and clean for them. I make sure they have food and clean clothes. A nice home to live in and are comfy. When Daddy stays over, I automatically turn into a service sub, making sure he has everything he needs because I like to take care of him. My bestie sees this as an issue but to me, you take care of your man and your family, it’s how I’ve been raised and what I feel comfortable doing, and so long as they don’t abuse that privilege then I don’t see the harm.

To find out your love language you can take the quiz here.

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