Importance of boundaries

Before i dipped my toe in the world of BDSM I didn't think I had any boundaries.

They never really come up when sex is so predictable you can almost time it. Don't get me wrong it wasn't bad sex but as someone who was a self-professed "two pump chump", it was all hand moves. I would get a couple of orgasms and then if I wanted more, I was left to play with my toy box. It was what it was. The only boundaries in place were all for him - He didn't want his ass touched, which was fair enough but for me nothing ever came up that I wasn't OK with.

But now I have entered a BDSM relationship with Daddy, I am discovering there is more to sex than the regulars with the occasional attempt at anal and sometimes fisting.

Daddy is willing to do so much more and has taught me about things I didn't know about - Edge play for example. But these boundaries go further than just my not wishing to be peed on - my hard limits also include things that are essential safeguards to my mental health too.

In terms of sexual acts, the only boundaries I have are
  • I don't agree to having my feet touched - I fucking hate having my feet tickled. Even as a child this was a rule that so many people ignored and got a heel to the face for their trouble. I'm not a fan of tickling in general but i can tolerate it everywhere else but not my feet.
  • Bathroom stuff - I have been asked by a previous partner to urinate on him during sex which I didn't mind but I just know I would not be able to be peed on in return. It has no sexual connotations to me whatsoever, so I just won’t try it. And scat? I couldn't even bring myself to do that to another person, even if it was requested. I just couldn't.
I have a couple of soft limits too - I'm funny about my nose being touched and I don't like some spitting but other than that, there is nothing so far Daddy has wanted to do to me that I have not been OK with.

The only other limit I have isn't exclusive to play time either – the use of the word disappointment.

Growing up, that was a word I heard a lot from my father. He would regularly tell me I was a disappointment to him. It was used to hurt me - which he had openly admitted to when he couldn't use physical violence. Even years later it’s still a term that triggers me and my family know not to ever say they are disappointed in me. It would reduce to me to tears or make me lash out. That word is deep rooted in trauma for me. And if you tell my kid your disappointed in him - oh fuck you’re in for a shit storm. Even I don’t ever say I’m disappointed in him. Yeah if he fucks up, I’ll call him on it. But he'll know I’m angry at him - I will never be disappointed in him.

This is important for Daddy to know because there might be a time during play that be needs to punish my bratty behaviour and using that word might come up, but I will be the quickest way to end the play. I can’t handle it and having him tell me he was disappointed in me would break my heart – wither he meant it as play or not. Even using the word to describe himself as a disappointment to me made me burst into tears and cry myself to sleep so it’s just not OK.

And that is alright.

Just because you enjoy things that might seem more extreme, you are still allowed to have boundaries and these should always be respected by your partners, cause if they don’t, then they are not the person for you. You never have to apologise your your limits.


  1. That is a cracking bit of advice "You never should have to apologise for your limits"
    Well said
    May ;-)

  2. Agreed. Never apologize for your boundaries, limits.
    Sorry to hear about you & your father's relationship.
    And I wonder how many people are really into scat play. I think the golden showers is more popular (not my thing) but I do wonder about the type of person who is into scat. *scratching my head*
    Thanks for sharing and before I forget is it possible for you to add the SB4MH banner to your post somewhere and link it back to the site? If you need any help doing this DM May or myself or Melody and one of us will be happy to help you :)

    1. Many apologies, I totally forgot to add that - I have done so now.

      With regards to my ex I put it down as a life lesson, plus I got my son out of it, so it was what it was.

      I did wonder if scat was real until I started chatting to people in the BDSM world and while its rare, it does happen. it’s about humiliation from what I gather but it’s definitely not something I wanna be involved in.

  3. Really pleased you found your way out of the regular box to experience a whole new world!

  4. The things that happen in childhood can really stick with us and I know that is where some of my limits originate from too. Interesting post :)