Does size really matter?

I'm curvy.

It's how I've been since I hit puberty and almost overnight, I was all tits and ass.

I got bullied at school for being the "fat girl" and it's a feeling that has followed me through my whole life. 

It got particularly bad when I was pregnant with the teen. Having severe morning sickness (a misnomer btw) and I lost a dangerous amount of weight considering I was cooking a whole new person in me. My boobs however didn't get the memo, and while I went from a size 22 to a size 16 - my chest went from a DD to a G cup. This would have been one thing to deal with but it when he was born and my body started to level out, my ex would show his disgust at how my new body looked. Always comparing it to my old self, completely negating the fact that my poor body had just birthed him a son and needed care, not degradation. He was so repulsed by my body that he wouldn't touch me and i couldn't bring myself to have discuss it with him, plus working 2 jobs and deal with a newborn. I had more than enough to deal with, my self worth was at the bottom of the list.

Years later when I met my most recent ex, I didn't give a shit about how I looked. I was what I was, by this point a size 24 with HH boobs. But he seemed to like my body. My ass at least. So I started to try to draw his attention to that where I could. Sexy underwear would make my ass look nice and if he insisted on lights on sex, it would be doggy so he didn't see the rest of my body. I didn't like it and it made me so paranoid. Yes he obviously seen me naked a lot - we lived together for years but i would always try to control his gaze. I did try to spice things up by biting the bullet and dressing up for him, but it was met with "I'll be there in a minute" as I got barely a glance and he went back to his PS4. Perhaps bad timing on my part but that shit still hurt. So i went back to my selective nudity ways.

I had decided that my body was just a fleshy meatsuit that I inhabit. It was nothing more than an enemy that I've at war with for years - and I'm not completely sure who was winning.

I would look at myself in the mirror and see all the flaws that I hated. All the things I would change if I could and all the things that were wrong with me.

Then something weird happened. I had sex during the daylight, and was completely naked.

Weirder still this guy not only seemed to enjoy every lump and bump but he made point of touching my body in such a way that made my skin tingle. Usually when someone touched me I would immediately tense up. During the summer I had sex with a FWB a couple of times and I wouldn't even take my top off and would only fuck doggy. Once he made the mistake of reaching around to grab my boobs and I instantly retracted and ended up just telling him to leave cause I didn't feel up to fucking anymore. Yet here this guy was looking at me totally naked and exposed to him, but wasn't making me feel awkward. He had me so engaged in the play that I didn't even think about being naked that the time.

It wasn't until he left after the 2nd play date that I really sat and thought about what happened. 

During our play he fucked me to within an inch of my life. I came more than i thought possible and then during a break where we went downstairs for coffee, I fell asleep with my head on his lap - So much trust there I can't even begin to in pack it for you. When I woke up, he opened my dressing gown and made me stand naked in front of him (in very harsh unforgiving light) so he could see every inch of me. And I did that willingly! Not gonna lie, I felt uncomfortable as fuck doing it. My boobs out of a bra look horrendous and due to a horribly stressful summer I lost 2.5st so I have lots of extra skin. Yet he pulled me close to him to kiss my body and then made love to me on my living room floor. 

It was at that moment that I started to think there was something special about this guy, and perhaps I'm not as repulsive as I originally thought.

Its unreal the confidence that having someone love your body can give you. For years I was unable to reach orgasm when I was on top cause I was so paranoid about how I looked. And even then it only was achievable a handful of times after I really had to mentally work on it. But I've not had a problem getting there with Daddy. Yes at first I was really insecure that I was hurting him by sitting on him but the fact that he can lift me up using just his hips means I really REALLY don't have anything to worry about.

Having him get hard just from seeing me naked makes me feel so sexy too. I've gone from not wanting to be seen naked during the day to actually buying sexy underwear for him to see and sending him so many naughty pics and videos, I am literally his own personal porn star. When we are together he makes me feel gorgeous. I do still feel a little uneasy when he calls me beautiful but the more he compliments me the more I'm getting used to it and when he kisses every inch of my naked skin, i feel goosebumps. I've never felt the need to hide my body from him. He sees me naked in many different positions and I'm so comfortable that I don't fight him on it.

It's starting to change how I think about myself too. Maybe it's ok that my body looks like this. Maybe it's ok that I'm not slender and tanned with perky boobs and bum ... But you know what, my body has gone through a lot and it still keeps going. It's been abused and broken, yet it's not given up on me, so I really shouldn't give up on her.

After all it's gonna be she and I till the end. It would nicer if I started to love her as much as Daddy seems to.


4Thoughts

3 comments

  1. This is absolutely beautiful. It just takes that one special person who accepts you exactly like you are, to make our minds change about ourselves. Love that you have found that!

    Rebel xox

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    Replies
    1. Me too ... he makes me wanna love myself more cause he obviously sees something special about me xx

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  2. Wonderful! So pleased you have found that person who is confident enough in himself to show his love for all aspects of you - that is a gift and your bum looks fab to me!
    Mayx

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