As it often does my internet travels usually end up in some form of social media platform. I found a post by one of my favourite bloggers about how they are ready for the lock-down to end before she ends up divorced. A familiar sentiment I am seeing a lot just now, but it was something in the comments that caught my attention. A lady had mentioned that she has ran out of "excuses" to give her husband, so she ended up having sex last night.

That comment really bothered me.

I know it’s probably meant in jest, like the old “oh not tonight dear, I have a headache” thing. And yes, all the follow up comments were taking it light-heatedly with the occasional plight of how they too are fed up having to have sex with their partners. I was baffled and a little saddened.

My first issue was with the inference that she had to have sex with her husband. Like it was somehow not completely willing on her part and that made me rage inside. Why, if you don’t want to have sex, should you have to make excuses?

Do you want to have sex tonight?
Not tonight.
Ok then.

Boom. Done. An excuse isn’t needed.

It also made me think this is a long-term issue though in which case I have been on both sides of that coin. I love sex. Especially now I am able to experience pleasure in quantities and qualities I never knew were possible. But I do remember the feeling of rejection I would face when my partner was more interested in his games console that the woman standing next to him in sexy underwear. That is a level of rejection that cuts deep and leaves its marks. I still have a horrible feeling in my stomach when I contemplate dressing up and I tend to avoid it due to the nervousness it brings. 

If she doesn’t want to have sex with her husband as a one off there fair enough but if this is a regular thing then I wondered perhaps if there was another issue there. When in the past I didn’t want to have sex regularly it was for a specific reason. It fucking hurt. It was uncomfortable for me and his lack of care when I told him how sore I was, turned me right off. If he just wanted his hole, then he could use his hand. I was not just his fuck toy to do with as he pleased. That wasn’t our dynamic and he didn’t really care after a while so that was fine. I started my toy box and never looked back. Point is though I tried to fix that on many occasions only to fall on deaf ears. I at least gave him a chance rather than treated it like some kind of joke.

I am aware that the woman who posted that comment was probably joking but I also know there are many people, women and men, who are in that situation and it makes me sad. Relationships should be about honesty, love and respect. None of which I feel were obvious via comments like those many of the women were making.

I also was filled with serious envy. You mean to tell me you are “stuck in” with your partner who is all for a bit of slap and tickle and your moaning? Fuck if I were in lock down with Daddy, I would be 8 stone lighter, as everyday would be a marathon session resulting in a loss of many fluids as well as a workout to rival CrossFit.

I sometimes think I am wired wrong when it comes to sex. I have had that conversation with the bestie before when she told me she only gives oral on special occasions. That to me is like saying I only eat chocolate at Christmas, or I only have cake on my birthday. What is the actual point? Oral sex is so much fun. Both receiving and giving! Yes, that’s right, I said it, I fucking love giving my partner head. Hearing him moan as I take him in my mouth. Seeing this face as he makes eye contact. Knowing how hard he is trying to prolong the pleasure while I’m trying to make him cum for me. Its like a battle of wills and I love it. Why on earth would you reserve that for special occasions? What a waste of a perfectly good opportunity. It doesn’t even have to end in an orgasm either. One of the things I love to do with Daddy is give him oral, then have sex and if he didn’t cum, I can go back to sucking on him while in a cummy haze. Honestly, she is missing out ... but she wont take a telling so what can I do.

I’m not saying that were I in lock-down with him that we would be having sex nonstop. That’s not realistic. At some point we both have to eat something aside from each other, plus there is stuff to do. I have a little work, as does he as a key-worker and the teen would eventually notice we had disappeared when he emerged looking for food. But one thing I can promise you I would never be doing is making jokes and excuses as to why I didn’t wanna have sex.

The second either of us started to feel like it was a responsibility rather than an amazing perk, then I would know we were in big trouble. But maybe that’s just me.