Common Questions

TW- Abuse

Today I wanna talk to you about common things people ask me when they find out I’m in a DDlg dynamic.

I’ve been letting this bubble in the cauldron in my mind for a couple of days since I had coffee and hair time with the bestie and her pal. There was a lot to unpack too so I’m gonna be discussing this over multiple posts too.

It had been a while since I seen this pal of the besties. She knew about the ex cheating but didn’t know I was with my Daddy now and was asking how I was getting on. She’s a lovely lady and quite open about stuff. She asked me casually about the relationship and I said it was a BDSM relationship.

Well … Her wee face lit up and she started firing off questions like a police interrogation. She wanted to know EVERYTHING!

I get sceptical when people say this to me. “Tell me everything!” … you have to be careful as not everyone can handle everything, and they get a bit pearl clutchy after a while. Not this chick though. She had questions.

One thing she asked was if Daddy calls me "baby girl" does that mean I act “younger” for him during play. And a quick answer was no.

I get why she asked that and there is such a thing as age play which I'm may or may not be along those lines - its not something I am familiar with enough to say - Its not what we do. When I’m asked why I call him “Daddy”, I am prepared for the questions about incest and questioning if he’s a creep. And I very politely put them straight. Once they hear the explanation its usually an “awe I get it” moment.

So let me explain here the usually questions I get.

"Is it like incest?" 
My Daddy is obviously not my biological father. And absolutely no part of our dynamic does he treat me like I imagine a father would treat his daughter. Its completely separate from any of that and without question there is no even insinuated incest involved in any of our play. It is simply a name I call him. Its no different really from you calling your partner a pet name except in the BDSM community it signifies our dynamic in the way that calling him Master would. It tells people I am a “little” and he is my “caregiver Dom”. To the vanilla world though its just a pet name – don’t worry about it.

“So I guess you have daddy issues then?” 
Yes, I actually do have “daddy issues”. But I have had that for pretty much 90% of my life and it tends to happen when you grow up with an abusive alcoholic. That however plays zero part in any part of my life other than my shitty mental health. I keep all that locked up tight in the closet in the back of my head with the “caution – do not open” tape all over that shit. I don’t really think about my “father” where possible as it just screws with my head and I definitely don’t treat Daddy like a wanna be “father”. That’s creepy to me and its not what I’m into.

“Ewe he calls you baby girl?” 
Yes, he calls me baby girl and I fucking LOVE that! It makes me smile so much and when he adds the prefix “my” I instantly get butterflies. This doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination mean he is treating me like a child or wants to have sex with a child. That shit is nasty and while I can kinda understand how your brain got there, its no different from your partner calling you “baby”. The fact that your brain goes there first says a lot more about you than anything else btw! Don’t be that kinda person!

“It’s kinda abusive though” 
This one gets me a little raged. Ok so I do have a history of abuse and it did take many forms. What I don’t have is an abusive partner. And while we do have some intense play sessions that can and have resulted in bruises, it is completely different. Side note here, I hate the term abuse (personal preference) so on order to talk about this comfortably I call it mistreated

When I was mistreated in the past, I had zero control over any of it. I was either to young to know better or be able to protect myself, or I was so mentally brought down I didn’t know how to. Point is, I had no control. With Daddy, I have all the control. Now yes, he is a Dom and I am a sub. So yes, he is “in charge”. But I give him that power. I freely and willingly give him the permission to control me. HOWEVER, if at any point I become unhappy with how he is using his power as a Dom, or I don’t feel comfortable. I can stop him in an instant with the word “Pineapples”

Its that simple. And everything that he does to me has been previously discussed and agreed to. I have consented to every single bit of it! Never in my history of being mistreated has anyone asked me “Can I punch you in the ribs?” “Can I hit you on the face causing your nose to bleed?”. Nope, not once was I consulted – Yet Daddy has asked my permission to spank me and what my limits were. Fuck there have been so many instances where I have begged him to spank me and have been a brat to get him wound up to "punish me". We are gradually building up my tolerances, so it sometimes might be a bit harder than I am used to, but that too was all discussed and agreed way back when and I have veto power at any time. HUGE DIFFERENCE. 

Also, there is aftercare which I love. When rough play ends, I am usually pulled into his arms and he will comfort me, telling me how much he loves me, making sure I’m ok. Occasionally it required a bath to sooth my body after (that he ran and added bubbles) which was amazing having someone take care of me like that. And when he tells me how good I did, I get that sense of pride along with the release that the rough play gave me. The only relief I ever got in the past with mistreatment was when they left the room and I was able to cry alone on the floor – see the difference??

While were on that one, a common question I get is “Why do you like your partner to beat you?” 
Again, that is not what is happening in my dynamic. He doesn’t “beat me”. We play rough which can involve spanking, scratching, biting and pulling hair. That is a far cry from being beaten. But, even if I was into getting punched and such, if its consensual and we make it as safe as possible then that’s my call. Why I like what we do though, is because it is freeing!

I’m a single mum to a teenage boy which is challenging as fuck. I am also dealing with a lot of personal goblins that make my day to day life difficult and it’s a lot of responsibility to shoulder, especially alone. So, when I met Daddy and started my BDSM adventure, I found it almost therapeutic to give the power over to someone else. I can just get out of my head for a bit, he gets to flex his Dominant side and I get to cum for hours on end. I’m definitely getting the better end of the deal. 
A month or so later we made us official and now as a couple I have someone that I can share a bit of my burden with. Now, he’s not a step parent to the teen but I know if I need to vent about how frustrated I am, he is there to listen and if I need him to maybe help me talk to the teen about something, they have such a good relationship that I know he can and the teen will be cool with it. 
If I am stressed out about my mental health, I don’t need to hide it like I did in the past with partners. He is there to listen and to comfort. If he can help he will but more importantly here is there to make me feel safe and that I’m gonna be ok. Even if all he can do is listen, its still a huge thing for me. So now I have the amazing sex, the fantastic partner and the controller of my mind goblins all wrapped up in a kinky bearded parcel. #WINNING!

That answers usually the last question I get asked. “Is it just about sex then?” 
Absolutely not. While I’m not gonna lie, the sex is mind blowing and thankfully a huge thing for both of us, its not the be all and end all. Daddy is a mix of different Dom types, but the most predominant one is the caregiver. He takes care of me in little ways that others might not think about.

With my MH and personal life, I can become overwhelmed easy these days. And if I find something that can calm my mind, I will stick with it. Just now it’s being creative – I will spend 6/7 hours with my sketch books or paints and in that time, I wont eat or drink. Not out of laziness or conscious choice – I get so engaged in what I’m doing that I don’t realise hours have passed. I don’t feel hungry and I don’t feel thirsty, so I just continue on. If I’m doing work for my Etsy shop, I am the same. I just get in a zone and the rest of the world melts away. 

He knows this so I get the messages, “what have you had to eat today baby girl?” – and I then will either go fuck I forgot to eat, and go rectify it or if I remembered then I can answer and get a “good baby girl” reply which makes me feel all smiley. Recently I have been having bad days where I will literally spend hours just staring at the wall feeling too overwhelmed to even make a choice on what I wanna watch on TV. I’m not sure if he realises this but he’s started saying to me “What are you going to do today baby girl?” in the mornings or “What’s your plans today?” and it will get me thinking fast, what do I wanna do? There have been times where I can’t think what I wanna do and he will offer suggestions – “Why don’t you paint?” or “Draw me a picture of …” So, I’m not really having to think then. I’m following an instruction that will keep me occupied on my bad days, rather than sit staring at the wall wondering what the point in my existence is sometimes – Mind goblins are twisted wee fucks (just an FYI). 

Outside of that we are just like any other couple. He will ask me about my work or my family. I ask him about his work and his friends. We talk about random shit, we talk about weird shit. We have our own little quirky ways or cutesy things that couples do and when we can, we do the same things you all do like going to the shops or have a meal together. We cuddle up in bed and watch movies or play games like the rest of you. Our BDSM dynamic doesn't change any of that.

So, no it’s not just about the sex – It's about taking care of each other. And I take care of him where I can – though he kicks against that like a mule as he sees that as his job. We are a partnership; it just so happens that it’s a little different from the conventional. But it works for us and we are happy so where is the harm??


1 comment

  1. I recognise so many of these questions and really loved your answers to them. I don’t tell that many people and haven’t told anyone new for a while so I haven’t had to explain myself in this way for some time. I can be so hard to do though and so I think others will also find this post helpful. Missy x