After thinking over the last questions of the Dom/sub workbook and then having a bit of a wobble mentally, I plucked up the courage to speak to Daddy about things and while he was a bit upset that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it, I think he understands where I’m coming from. I’ve had a bit more visual input from him, and I got an hour plus video call yesterday which made my whole year so far. My missing him feels like a physical pain at times, and seeing his gorgeous face, that amazing smile and hearing his voice, quiets the sadness inside me.

He seemed to be in a more Dominant mood too which gave me shivers. I have been locked away in my room for over a month, emerging only to use the bathroom and yesterday a “request” was made – and by request, I mean he told me – I must spend at least 1 hour downstairs, 4 times over the next week. Was it mean? Kinda, but it's necessary to help get me out of this rut that I’ve found myself in. Thing is, that instruction made me feel like his sub again. I got that look when I tried to argue my point and he said the magic phrase “Two words baby girl” and I instantly (and willingly) backed down. I ended up staying down there for almost 3 hours before I started to get anxious for some reason, but that simple act of service made me feel really good about myself because I know I was making him happy.

Its things like that, which help me feel like his sub, the instruction and acts of service that I can do while we are apart to keep my submissive side going until we are together, and we can bring the sexual element into it. I am feeling hopeful that we are both willing to work towards getting this part of our life back. He is as desperate for it back as I am so I do feel like we can make this happen.

He can return to his dominant ways by my relinquishing control to him and becoming my happy submissive self. Fuck I’m giddy at the idea.

So, what helps get me into the submissive mindset?

Mentally

Degradation isn’t a necessary part of my subspace but getting into the right mentality is key. Wither knowingly or accidently Daddy has phrases that he uses which are almost like signals to me that he’s needing to be dominant and in return these signals also make me feel more submissive. Things like him asking me “who are you?” – There are 2 responses to that question. If he is in a caregiver mood, I am expected to say, “your baby girl” if he’s in mean Daddy mood then I would say “your slut/whore/cum-dump”. Part of the fun is guessing which response he is looking for. If I get it right, I get the corresponding Daddy, get it wrong and I could be in for more fun that he initially planned. Blatantly defy him and I’m in for mean Daddy XL which could be mind blowing or really frustrating – it’s the chance I take flipping that coin. That little game, him simply asking a question, gets me fired up and I love it.



Emotionally

There is an adage that women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need sex to feel loved. I think that’s true, at least on my part. I can have sex with a stranger physically, but the odds of me achieving and orgasm are minimal at best. Being in a D/s dynamic I need an even bigger connection. If I feel distant from Daddy, then I have no hope in hell of accessing that submissive mindset. I need to feel close to him, which when you consider distance and now lockdown, it's tricky, but it can be done. Video calls are key to this, I think. The massive difference in my mood from that call yesterday backs this is. Having him look at me and talk to me made me feel that connection again. My love language is quality time and without that I start to retreat. I don’t mean to, it is an automatic response, and I am working on it, but I do appreciate that he too is working on providing more face time for me.



Physically/Sexually

Can someone slap me on the ass and get me instantly into a submissive frame of mind? Absolutely not and they would get a slap on the face for their trouble, but under the right circumstances Daddy can, cause ultimately, I know I am his. I have gifted my submission to him and in that regard, he owns me.