My submissive needs

Continuing on with the Dom/sub workbook I’m going to look and my needs as a submissive.

What are the things that you would like from your submission?

As much as getting into subspace seems easy, its actually not. It would be so simple if it was a case of Daddy slapping my ass or throat fucking me and then boom I was there. But there is so many points that need to be connected before I can get there.

Submissive thoughts

To get into the right headspace, I need to switch from the everyday me into the submissive me. This is much easier when I have regular interaction with Daddy. I’m all about the senses. Having Daddy in front of me, touching him, hearing his voice, his scent, even tasting his lips can get me on the right path. When he stays over, I know I have more of a chance to let myself go and get in the right mindset. But when we only text it is difficult for me. It just feels like I’m talking to a phone rather than him, to the point that often I will look at pictures of him during our text chats or close my eyes to think of him as if I am talking directly to him.

I would like to get better at putting myself in that frame of mind. We will be in a LDR for a long time and I want back my submissive side, so I need to train my brain to get into it without needing Daddy to physically be in front of me. I have no idea if that’s even possible, but I have to try cause I’m not ready to give up the submissive part of my life.

Submissive feelings

I want that freedom submission gifts me. That complete relaxed self where nothing is going on at the back of my mind and I can concentrate on the task at hand. When I’m in my subspace I feel so calm and as someone who lives in a perpetual state of anxiety, that calm is intoxicating. I feel safe when I’m in that mindset too. I’m connected to Daddy in a way that I’ve never connected to anyone before and with that comes this almost blanket of protection. I’m not alone and with him I feel stronger in myself. I can go about the tasks of the day with no anxiety or trepidation because I’m riding that submissive wave. Knowing that I’m pleasing Daddy gives me that extra motivation to keep going and when in subspace, its all about pleasing him so it feeds off itself. I like that feeling and I want to find a way that we can incorporate an almost 24/7 dynamic so that I can continue to build myself back up while in that safe, confident headspace.

Submissive behaviour

I want to stop overthinking and second guessing myself. While this could be in the submissive thoughts section it’s a behaviour that I have learned over the years and it is in every part of my life, not just my submissive life. And I fucking hate it. While over thinking and second guessing might have its benefits, I do it with so many things automatically and without wanting to that I get myself in a confused messy muddle where I can’t function. Its like if you have too many tabs open on your computer and it just crashes. It makes my life harder than it needs to. In terms of my submission, it has caused me to think things that perhaps aren’t as they seem or are downright wrong.

For example, I am a total stranger to Daddy’s life. I think there are maybe 3 people in his life that know I exist. He is a private person, and that’s ok, but to the overthinker I’ve often been unable to sleep wondering if perhaps he is ashamed or embarrassed by me. Total bullshit, and I know that. But knowing that doesn’t stop my brain every now and again flinging it back out there. I can’t get into the submissive headspace if I’m second guessing everything so it’s a behaviour that I need to break. Hopefully in doing so it will help me to become a better sub for him too, it can’t be easy for a Daddy Dom to deal with a stressed-out baby girl. I know first-hand he doesn’t like when I’m stressed out, especially if he can’t fix it for me.

What do you want from a Dominant partner?

What I want from a Dom is what I have with Daddy. He ticks practically every box for me.

I want someone who is able to control me. Who is understanding that I have issues which might require a bit more patience and who is able to dance with my demons, rather than make me pretend they don’t exist. I want someone who can give me that safe space to be myself. Where I can be silly or serious without fear of ridicule. Someone who loves me for me, not what they think I should be. Daddy gives me all of that. 

The only issue I have with our relationship is the distance. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I want my life to start now, having to pause it gets frustrating but there is nothing that we can do just now as lockdown is everywhere. I think perhaps more consistency in “seeing” him could help. Last lock down we had more video calls, and he sent more pictures where as this time round its all just text messages which I struggle with. He struggles with calls though so someone is gonna be unhappy, and I would rather it be me because I don’t wanna make him unhappy.

How do you see your D/s as working?

How want it would be a 24/7 dynamic. Him and I living together in our dynamic, happy, content and permanently cummy. In the future I don’t see that being an issue but right now, I honestly don’t know. There are a few hurdles we have to get past, but I’m fully committed to Daddy and will make this work because he is who I want. He says he feels the same, so I think that as a team, we will be able to navigate our way though. 

What that looks like, I have no idea.

Which are the areas you want to work on?

I think I want to get a part of my life back that I had in the beginning when we first started on our BDSM adventure but realistically that not possible. We have grown and things have changed. But in the same way I wouldn’t want it to go back to exactly how it was then either as I feel so much more confident and freer with Daddy now compared to how I was in the beginning. 

I think moving forward I want to work towards what our D/s dynamic would become now. Relationships in general need everyone involved to take care of it and if I’m honest with myself, my not wanting to rock the boat and possibly because conflict has stopped me speaking up and telling Daddy that I want and need this part of our life back. Its purely on my overthinking and second guessing that I haven’t said as I don’t want to add more to his plate but in doing so, I am possibly stopping him being able to be dominant which he perhaps needs.

Communication is key and we both need to be more open; I think. If he wants me to open up to him, I feel I need some give on his part too. Compromise I suppose is what we need. My end goal is a happy life with him and I'm ready and willing to work for that. 

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