Happy New Year

Happy new year and greetings from my bed.

I’ve been somewhat MIA from the blogging world for a good few weeks and absent from Twitter even longer. I’ll be honest, I’ve missed chatting with all you kinky buggers out there and I know my absence has been missed after I logged in to twitter and found a few nice messages checking in.

I appreciate that loads and am sending every one of you virtual hugs.

Truth is I’ve been so exhausted these last couple of months that I’ve barely left my bed. I feel bad for the teen and Daddy as I’m essentially useless but I can’t help it. They do understand that and urge me to rest, which I appreciate, but no amount of rest is going to make me better.

What started at the summer as irregular bleeding has just snowballed. New symptoms have raised to the surface and others have healed (or went undercover). Without going into too much detail I’ve grown myself a “rather large” gallstone or two and my bowel/intestines/stomach are losing their shit (no pun intended). I have zero energy these days, even though I’m sleeping 12-18h a day now and I’m now anaemic – which makes sense as I’m passing blood from my butt randomly, so something is bleeding somewhere inside me.

It has been a lot to deal with so as you can imagine my mental health has plummeted too. My panic attacks have been coming back which floors me and I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed with life. Not fun.

I am trying however to be positive with myself while I wait for my appointments with the hospital to come through. I want to focus on the things that make me happy and that in large part is my life with Daddy.

Obviously, the BDSM has taken a back seat for the time being. Daddy is aware of everything that is happening just now and is more focused on my recovery rather than his domination. I appreciate that from the bottom of my heart, but it doesn’t stop me feeling frustrated at myself. I still have the urge to be submissive to him and I long to be dominated, but this dumpster fire of a body is just not gonna withstand any play at all. My skin hurts cause I’m so cold all the time, so being spanked will take on a different kind of pain and I don’t feel like I could handle that. Bumping my arm off the door frame hurt like a mother fucker for ages after so taking a paddle across my ass might actually make me cry, and not in a good way.

No, I just need to be a good girl and take my meds and get better. One thing that I know however is that Daddy isn’t going anywhere and that he’s trying to help me as best as he can. A weird feeling when you’ve spent your lifetime taking care of yourself so it’s taking some adjustment. I just want to get better, get my energy back and be his dirty little slut again.

I need it so bad.

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