Public Consent

Greetings from my bed.

I’ve been kinda MIA for a while as I’ve been busy with work stuff and have been having a bit of a hard time mentally and physically.

Between being medicated for my anxiety and the possible endometriosis in my abdomen, I’ve not exactly been a barrel of laughs. Sorry. I’m actually lying right now with my laptop beside me, while I’m in the fetal position with a hot water bottle and pain killers. Someone send tea and muffins (I like blueberry, thanks).

One thing I have been doing as a distraction though is exploring the naughty side of Tik Tok – affectionately called “kinktok”.

Its interesting to see how lots of couples explore the BDSM world as well as how many sex workers there are – Zero judgement BTW. You gotta make your rent somehow!

One thing I do have a little judgement with though is some of the videos I’m seeing that involve public spaces.

Let me explain.

A few videos I have seen involve a Dom walking a sub like a dog in public. Collar and leash very visible. Some are even walking them on all fours. No issues at all with that. Daddy and I have tried that once were he ‘walked me’ around my house while I crawled behind him. I get how it can be a thing people enjoy. Plus if you're into pet play - I get it.

Where I have a little issue is that they are doing it in very busy public areas. And that’s kinda not OK. I know, I know, I’m the last person to ever through shade on anyone but hear me out. One of these videos was in what looked like a busy shopping area. Where there were families and such, walking about able to see this quite clearly.

That’s not OK.

Consent is required for everyone involved in a scene, and you taking that out into such a public space means that there is no way in hell you can have got everyone’s consent. In a sex club or designated space, then fine, consent may be given. But if you were in Argyle Street in Glasgow, walking your sub on a leash, you can’t have the permission of everyone who will see that. And a lot of people will.

It is unfair to assume that everyone is OK with seeing that. I’m in the community and yet I would go ape-shit if I was out with some of the younger kids in my family and we saw that. Kids are gonna ask questions and that is not something they need to witness or even know about. The BDSM community has just as much responsibility as every other one to keep kids safe, and more so from us we need to be vigilant in not exposing them to things they shouldn’t see.

You also don’t know who you may be triggering.

Now, I am sometimes not a fan of this overly PC world we live in just now. There are many things that people take offence at all the time which make me wanna scream. But the nature of life means that I just have to suck it up. One thing that boils my piss is when people say they are “triggered” when what they mean is they are upset or annoyed at something. It is very much not the same thing. And as someone who has mental health issues and has been in violent situations/relationships in the past, I can promise you, getting triggered is a very serious thing. It can be debilitating and fuck with the person for a long time. On the occasions where something has triggered a horrible memory for me it has often been followed by a full blown panic attack and days of feeling so shaky and teary that I just cant function. Not the same as being annoyed at something you see on Facebook Karen!

You walking your sub (or being walked by your Dom) on a leash might trigger someone. You have no idea what people have been though. For a while having my hair pulled was a huge trigger for me. Even playfully, long before I entered the BDSM world, if my ex pulled my hair as a joke, it would send me into such a massive freak out that I would instantly burst into tears and have a panic attack. Why? Cause a previous partner was abusive and when he would pull my hair it was to get me onto the floor or in a lower position so he could attack me. It took me years to reclaim that back to the point that when Daddy pulls my hair it actually turns me on. You know how much fucking therapy I had to have to fix that though? You don’t know what someone has experienced in the past. Perhaps an abuser tried to choke them with a leash, perhaps they were in a BDSM scene that went horribly wrong … Point is you don’t know and its really shitty of you to possibly trigger someone, just to have a scene.

While we are on it, it’s a huge safety issue too. In every scene I have done with Daddy, from the mild to the intense, safety is the first and most important factor. It is the Dom's job to run that scene like the health and safety board are up their ass at all times. That doesn’t change if the scene is in public, if anything it is all the more important and you have no control on what the actions of others might do. 

Imagine you are a male Dom and are walking your sub on a leash when a group of guys come up. Some guys are arseholes by nature and might see her being on a leash as she’s “up for anything” and she gets abusive things said to her, or worse still, touched. I have had strangers touch me in public without permission so you can’t tell me it would never happen. Or what if someone thinks you’re being abusive and tries to step in and pulls the leash out of your hands. That is attached to your subs neck. In the heat of the moment this good Samaritan can so some real damage.

I’m all for people exploring their kinks and if you like to be watched then fair play, but make sure its in a place where you can control the scene, and everyone has given their consent. There are clubs and such that you can walk about on a leash to your hearts content and everyone involved is cool with it. You don’t need to involve potentially vulnerable people in your scene. 

That’s the kinda thing that gives the community a bad reputation and we all have a responsibly to kink safely.

But maybe that's just my opinion. They are like butt holes, we all have one, and I'm always open to hearing about other peoples.

Feel free to comment below 

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