Is "Love" enough

Got a bit of mixed emotions happening today and now that I’m alone in my room, I’m trying to process them all.

Firstly the teen went back to school today and that was an anxious morning for me. I know that he has to go back and that his education is very important but on the same hand there is still a lot of Covid cases happening and being in a school amongst lots of people makes me panic for him. I know he’s a smart boy and he won’t do anything stupid but at the same time I know how forgetful he can be. So 30 forgetful kids in one class is doomed to fail, never mind 4 class groups per year and 6 years!

He came home fine. No anxiety on his end so I’m gonna continue to keep my worries to myself so as not to impact him. I can only hope things go well.

Next, I had my 2nd date with Daddy. It feels weird saying that as we have been together almost 9 months but with his work and then this whole pandemic thing we were limited to going out in dates and favoured time together playing while we had the chance to be alone. 

If you follow me on Twitter you will see how strangely nervous I got last night. Spent ages messing about with my hair and trying to figure out what to wear. It was a rare girly moment and why I was nervous I have no idea. This is a man who has seen me from every unflattering angle, has seen me tear and cum soaked and has twice now throat fucked me till I was physically sick. He wouldn’t give a shit what I was wearing, yet there was this odd excitement to planning for our date. 

Today was no different. I read for a bit once the teen left to calm my mind and then I got ready. It’s been so long since I had that little excited flutter. It’s different from the excitement I get every time I know I’m gonna see Daddy. This was like an added element. I painted my face, straightened my hair and put on a dress. Then set out to meet him.

I got there early and got a table while waiting on his train to come in. I was playing about on  my phone - Pokemon Go cause i just gotta catch them all and I got a text from him. He was finishing a cig while I was waiting, and I didn’t realise he was watching me but the excitement when I seen him turned me into a kid at Christmas. I get this weird feeling inside - Like a warm feeling that goes through my veins. It’s the strangest thing. For a while I actually thought it was a reaction to smelling his aftershave cause I’ve never felt that electric just being near someone, but even just seeing him pull up to the house gives me the feeling, and again I got it when I spotted him across the street.

There is something about Daddy. I can’t quite put my finger on it which is a bit frustrating at times for me. When I’m in a mental rage-y wanna smash shit mood, he can calm me down. When I’m feeling so upset, I burst into tears, he makes my heart hurt less. He is so connected to me and able to control me and calm me in ways no-one else can. I came to the conclusion tonight that he’s my best friend. Like more than the bestie. If something good happens he’s the first person I wanna tell and if there is something upsetting or something bad happens, he’s the first person I wanna talk to about it. He knows things about me that no one else on this planet knows and there are things that I never thought I would share, ever, that I have told him. That is so much trust. More that I have ever put in anyone.

I want to be with Daddy always and forever. I never before wanted to get married, and viewed it as the biggest scam ever – but I wanna marry Daddy. I wanna spend the rest of my days with him. I wanna take care of him, and be submissive to him till my days end and I go back to the weeds. I wanna share every special moment, every mundane moment, and everything in between with him. It’s so strange that a year ago I didn’t even know he existed and yet now the idea of not having him in my life makes my blood run cold.

Saying I’m in love doesn’t feel right. Not that I don’t love him, because I do, with all my being, but that word somehow doesn’t seem strong enough. It doesn’t encompass all my feelings for him. I’m not sure that word even exists. Cause how can your sum up your love, desire and utter devotion to someone in just four letters? That’s the kinda thing you need a lifetime to truly show, and I pray to the gods, old and new, that I can spend my lifetime showing him just how much he means to me.

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