We spend all day every day messaging each other with the occasional voice call thrown in. When he is here, I can’t get enough of him. Even the mundane stuff like going to the supermarket is fun as we have the most random, silly chats which actually distract me from the anxiety bubbling away from being out. When we’re watching a movie or something, we always have some part of our bodies connecting and when he stays over, I find myself wanting to stay up longer just to get more time with him. 

Unfortunately, we have only ever been on one date – thanks to his work schedule and now lock down. But with any luck we can have our second date before our anniversary lol. 

With friends and family – He’s only really met mine once each. He had a chat with my step dad, he got to say hi and bye to my mum as he arrived when she was leaving (though he gave her a hug which I think was so sweet) and he’s met the bestie. It’s difficult as my tribe – the important people in my life - all live in England (bar the bestie) so that will be harder for him to experience. I haven’t met any of his friends or family – only a couple of them know about me which seems to be how he likes his life to be so I can’t really say anything. I’m told his bestie (who knows about me) doesn’t really like anyone so I’m maybe not in such a hurry to meet her. Though I’m weird so that might work in my favour. Who knows – I assume one day I’ll meet someone from his life. When, is up to him. 

Do we still have a connection?

Yeah, we really do. To the point that it freaks me out a little. 

He can tell if somethings up with me just by looking at me – fair enough as my face might give me away – but somehow, he’s able to do so over the phone or via text. How the fuck is that even possible? I’ve lived with partners for years that couldn’t tell if something was up, but Daddy seems to have acquired some kind of manual for me. 

I feel very free with Daddy. I can be myself and I don’t have to worry about what he thinks. Take farting for example – everybody farts. That’s just a fact, but with previous partners I hid that as long as possible. I once made it a whole year without farting in front of a partner – hand to god! But the first time I farted in front of Daddy we were having a proper belly laugh on the couch and I let one go. I was mortified but he just laughed and the farted himself. I was relieved and grossed out in equal measure and from then on if we have to let rip then so be it. No judgement and if need be a window will be opened without needing the ground to open up and swallow me. Same as well with the nasty side of life. He’s experienced me when I’ve had a wobbler. He’s also been there when I had a full-blown panic attack and was able to calm me. He is good at that, he can quiet my demons and if I’m having a shitty time mentally, he just waits patiently, helping if he can but more than anything he lets me know it’s OK, I’m OK and that he’s there for me. You have no idea how much that means to me. There are still butterflies when we meet up again which I like but I know one day that will subside. And that’s OK. I’m comfortable with him and when the day comes that he’s hopefully here full time, I’ll happily switch the butterflies for the feeling of security and connection 24/7. That’s worth losing the flutter.

How well does he get on in the family unit? 

Honestly, he fits in like he was meant to be here. 

Back when we first became a couple, we had time to ourselves and he and the teen only really interacted when he came home from school but now, he is around more when the teen is and the two of them get on fine. There are moments when I have to be strict with the teen and daddy knows to just leave me be when I’m losing my shit but that’s a rarity as I’m lucky to have a really good kid. The two of them have this weird thing where they like similar stuff so can talk about random things for ages and there are times where they will team up against me. I play pretend that I’m annoyed but really, I like that fact that he is able to connect with the teen and I know the teen likes feeling like he’s got a pal in him. 

I have been incredibly open about the fact that he doesn’t need or want a dad. We have had enough issues with that in the past and daddy gets that. He doesn't necessarily want to be a dad and he’s more that happy being his friend which is just what the teen needs. Daddy also gets that the teen will always come first and he’s good with that. In the past it’s been an issue – the teens biological father was jealous of him which baffled me so if Daddy didn’t get that the teen is my priority then it would never work. Rather than kick against it though, he seems to have been able to slot himself into the family unit which is perfect. He is comfortable in all aspects so far and I can’t see any issues that could arise. I guess it’s a perk of having an older kid, we all know where we stand and its not like the teen needs constant care or supervision which might be hard for someone to come into.

How good is the sex?

He doesn’t believe me, but he is the best sex I have ever had. 

The difference I think is that he seems to get off on getting me off. When we first got together, I thought that was just for show, or perhaps a novelty, but he’s still the same 6 months in. Don’t get me wrong, he does let me play with him – In fact one of my favourite things is when I can hear him moan as I suck his cock. Makes me all smiley thinking about it just now – and when we are playing rough, he’s actually made me cum from skull fucking me. Its insane how turned on he can get me. But the majority of the time its me cumming repeatedly. Yes, it does help that I’m can cum on tap if I get in the right mindset. But he knows how to get in my head which for me is my biggest sexual organ. Not only that – Daddy can match me kink for kink and has no issue whatsoever switching between treating me like his worthless whore or make love to me like there is nothing in the world but us. There is passion between us that I’ve never felt before and above all there is safety. I feel safe when I am with him as he wants to take care of me. I know that no matter how hard we go; he will never viciously hurt me. He is my protector and I’ve never had that before.

Do I think its sustainable? 

How things are right now yes and no. 

I am happy with everything between us except the distance which is really rough on me. Being in a LDR is completely new to me and as much as I would have hoped in 6 months I would be used to it, Its just getting worse. There are times where the distance feels much bigger – Like I’m losing my connection to him. I know this isn’t the case but there have been things recently that have kind of taken him away from me. Its not his fault and I do know he feels bad about it but its part of life and I have to accept that. It did get that I felt like I should step to the side a bit. Give him space to sort through things, but he didn’t like that as he felt like he was losing me. He wasn’t losing me as much as I was giving him space, but he doesn’t want that which kinda made me happy. Even with all the shit going on in his life, he views me as the shining light that keeps him going. Which is what he is for me. 

I love Daddy with all my being but I know seeing him once a week for years isn’t going to be enough for me. I’m not putting a timer on that as like I said there are things that cant be helped just now but if we are a year down and we’re still only able to see each other 4 times a month I have to wonder how our life will work together. That is genuinely the only issue I have, and it stems from me missing him which is bloody ironic. I’ve dated guys I seen more than I do Daddy and was happy to get a weekend off – But I would give my left leg to spend more time with Daddy. Though I would get into trouble for chopping parts of his property off willy nilly. 

I would be quite happy to spend the rest of my life with him so I am no where near ready to give him up. Its not even an option for me right now so i'll need to have a think how I can make the time apart easier to bare. I love him more than I have anyone before him, and I don’t want anyone after him. If distance wasn’t between us then I could seriously say the relationship is as close to perfect as I’ve ever got. All I can do is hope that with time, our “one day” come true and then I can live happily ever after like some kinda gothic Disney princess.

Screw that, i'd rather be Morticia