Let's chat about Anal

One thing I am noticing about the BDSM world is there are very few taboos when it comes to sexual activity - including the classics like anal.

I find this refreshing as I not only respect those willing to discuss such things - I also love to take part in butt stuff.

I get that it isn't for everyone but it also isn't fair to judge those who do enjoy it and contrary to popular belief - A man enjoying having his ass played with, does not "make him gay".

*Side note, when I hear this argument "Don't touch my ass, i'm not gay", i'm instantly turned off to everything about you cause you're masking homophobia with that comment. There is fuck all wrong with being gay! If you don't wanna try then fine but don't be that guy! 

Biologically speaking there is a reason to go exploring if you are a guy - Your g-spot is up there! And if you haven't had that stimulated, then its your own time you're wasting!

For a full break down of all things "P-spot" - Called such as its your prostate - Check out this article on what and where it is, plus how to have the best orgasm of your fricken life!

I obviously cant attest to the pleasure having your prostate massaged gives (what with me not having one and all) but I can tell you on the occasions I have stimulated it, via toys or fingers, the results have been explosive, sticky and i'm told mind blowing. You really wanna pass on that kinda orgasm?

I can tell you about anal sex from a woman's point of view and I promise, when done right, its fantastic.

Please note I said "when done right". I have had some terrible experiences and it was all down to the partner and the prep (or lack there of).

So lets start with the basics.


We all know what the primary function of an ass is and we all know what happens back there. But in the same way that a vagina has more than one function, an ass can have more than one too.

A little bit of poop isn't a huge deal if you don't make it so. Yes, having a cock or a toy up there probably wont come back out as clean as you might like, but wipes by the bed and/or a towel is all that's needed till you can jump in the shower should there be a little extra there.

Just cause it can happen, doesn't mean to say that it will though and there are things you can do to reduce the chances.

Have a bowel moment before hand for example. This ensures there isn't anything waiting to come out as you're putting something in. It can be uncomfortable if your bowls are full and you participate in anal play. Plus your risking having poop on the toy/cock afterwards if you have one one in the chamber so to speak.

If you're really freaked about about there being poop, you can also give yourself an enema. I personally haven't experienced this but the basic principle is skoosh water up your butt to give it an internal rinse. You can buy things like douches or attachments for showers from various places. All I will say is follow the instructions and don't go mad with them. Too many and you're going to mess with the biological upkeep of your butt.


Like with any sexual activity, being tense and stressed isn't going to result in pleasure. And your butt is no different. The anal sphincter (your butt hole) is like the gatekeeper of pleasure. If you just go at it without thought or planning then its not gonna work and your gonna hurt yourself.

Breathing is key here. Holding your breath is going to tense you up. Position is also important. When just trying out anal sex, the best position is on your back or your side. You are more likely to relax lying down than you are on all fours, at least for the first couple of times.

Lube is your best friend in anal. Unlike a vagina, the ass doesn't provide its own lubrication so in order not to cause tears or discomfort, lube whatever you are using like your basting a turkey at Christmas. There is also no harm in reapplying during the act, Your ass isn't going to produce any cum as you orgasm so you may have to top up the lube.

Don't feel you have to go full blown cock right off the bat either. There are lots of toys that you can get like slim anal dildos or beginner butt plugs that will help gently easy you. Even a well lubed finger during play can take the initial trepidation away and help relax your butt. You don't even have to have a cock in your ass if you don't want to. You call the shots and you do only what you feel comfortable with.


Now while anal, at least for some, is an amazing experience - if it's your first time it's not necessary gonna be amazing. You will have to get used to the sensation and let go in your head a bit before you can get there. And even then, there is no guarantee you will achieve orgasm purely through anal. I have on occasion thoroughly enjoyed myself but needed clitoral stimulation to get there. That doesn't mean that it's not still pleasurable but be aware that it's a possibility. For me its all about the build up. I have never just went straight into butt stuff. There has always been kissing and touching first. Usually some playing with each other and on occasion the playing moves onto my butt. I always appreciate a little tease back there before we get into the actual act. Not only that it gives my butt a chance to relax and usually Daddy has made me cum repeatedly before he's even through about anal.

Take your time is my point. If you try it and you decide its too sore or to scary then stop. There is no shame in that and if your partner makes you feel bad for it then they need a swift slap with a lubed hand. If you need to take a couple of runs at it then fair play. If you need a wee drink to calm the nerves then OK - I will say though that alcohol does tend to dull the senses so while it might seem like a good idea, you might not notice if there is a problem right away. So don't go mental with the wine bottle!

Self discovery.

Butt stuff isn't just for the kinky couples out there either - Male or female there are lots of toys designed especially with the tooshie in mind. You can get butt plugs in many shapes and sizes that you can try out yourself. I personally have a lovely collection of plugs that range from absolute beginner to an anal probe that is out of this world. Not only that but I have a few dildos that are fantastic for butt play when I have permission from Daddy. Places like Bondara and Lovehoney have whole sections on anal toys and butt plugs so even if you're not comfortable exploring with a partner, then you can play by yourself and discover what you like without worry.

Sex is something that should be enjoyed and anal sex can become a part of that. Its all about learning what you like and you never know till you try.

No comments