What is DDlg?

There are many different aspects of a BDSM relationship and while I'm not by any stretch of the imagination an expert, I do want to share some of the misconceptions that I'm experiencing with people out with the community.

Namely for me, the Daddy Dom and little girl relationship. Abbreviated to DDlg.

That is the avenue I have happily gone down in my joining of the BSDM community. I call my Dom Daddy who calls me his baby girl. This has confused some of the people in my life who, very unfairly, compare this to something almost incestuous. When i am asked questions, which i happily answer, it only leads to perplexed faces and accusations on how its "like weird role play".

It most definitely isn't and I'm going to explain why.

First off Daddy is NOT related to me, nor is he the man who impregnated my mother and therefore shares DNA. That would be incredibly weird! 

Secondly, although he calls me baby girl, he in no way shape or form treats me like a child. Let alone his child. So any incest or child abuse connotations are not only hurtful, but you need help thinking that automatically - cause that shit is nasty. It is no different to a vanilla couple calling each other "baby". It's a pet name. It doesn't mean your fantasising that they are a minor.

Another thing that seems to bother my friend is that i am being dominated. Here is the thing though, every single relationship contains an element of D/s. Even the most vanilla ones. Its human nature to either dominate or submit in life. I am just more aware of it in my relationship.

So how does a DDlg relationship differ from that of a vanilla one? Simply put, there are elements of BDSM involved. 

Daddy is my partner, but he is also my Dom. And with that comes the control of me that my submission gifts him. I do as I am told for mutual pleasure on both our parts. And in return i enjoy the rewards that i get from that. Yes there are times I do try to push the limits, but for me that is part of the fun.

I enjoy sometimes being a brat as it means I am flirting with the potential of punishment and I get a rush from that. Occasionally he lets it slide which makes me feel sneaky, like I have won. When in reality he has known all along what I am doing and is giving me that small victory for my little ego. Sometimes I push too far and I have to be punished, which I also enjoy - even when it hurts like fuck. Having him exert that control over me makes me feel like I am being kept in line and for some reason makes me feel safe. And I need that.

And how it differs from any other BDSM relationship, such as Master/slave, is there is a shit lot of care and attention that comes with DDlg.

I have depression and severe anxiety. There are parts of everyday life that others don't even really think about but that cause me a lot of distress. And this is where Daddy is worth his weight in gold - more than just cause he makes me cum like I dispense the elixir of life.

I know that I can talk to Daddy about anything. Even the silly things that most people would give me serious side eye for. He listens. He might not fully understand what I'm feeling but he will still listen to me, without judgement and will help if he can. Often though simply listening is all I needed. To let me get it out of my head.

While there are parts of me that I am currently working on letting him into, he understands this is hard for me. He let's me take this process at my own pace, regardless of how frustrating he might find it as he knows that I am trying. He never uses his dominance in any way that would make my mental health worse.

He realises sometimes I might go really quite all of a sudden or the reverse that I might become almost manic, talking fast and using more hand gestures. My legs or feet shaking and seemingly agitated. It's all part of my anxiety. And he understands. And most importantly he never judges. 

Where the Dom element comes in though is when he realises that I'm perhaps not taking care of myself how I should. Not on purpose I will say but my mind is so chaotic that little things do slip past. Things like eating. I often will go all day without eating as it just doesn't occur to me to do so. I'm busy and it just doesn't factor in till at night when I'm making dinner for the teen and I know I will be eating with him. This (understandably) isn't OK with Daddy. It's not only unhealthy but it affects our play. There is a massive difference in my stamina when I don't eat before we have a session. I start to burn off energy too quick and get seriously light headed, feeling almost sicky. So he will casualty ask if I've eaten, knowing if I haven't, that his asking will remind me and if I have, I know he will be happy which in turn makes me happy. I have promised to take care of myself when he isn't here to take care of me and i don't like to break promises. Where things like forgetting to eat could easily be used as a precursor to punishment, Daddy would never use this as one.

Things involving my mental health, he will never use for physical punishment. Instead if needed he will find a way to correct a behaviour using positive reinforcement. It's amazing the feeling I get when he calls me his good girl or tells me he's proud of me. He's done this once so far and I wanted to cry it made me so happy.

He also allows me to be myself which sometimes includes what is called "little space". This is an important part of the "lg" side.

Life is hard anyway but with depression it can get really overwhelming, at least for me. And during this time I will retreat into myself. Before I used to just close everyone out cause I hated the judgemental comments. I know I'm a grown ass woman but if I wanna climb into bed at 3pm with my blanket and watch a Disney movie then I can and your opinion on it is not needed.

Equally if I wanna cuddle up and watch a horror movie or true crime documentary this isn't anyone's business but mine. Yes i am aware that I'm weird for watching horror to calm myself down but i never once claimed to be normal. And if you think that's bad, you should hear the things my brain throws out on a regular basis. Makes horror movies look like kids movies. So many people in my life pass unfair 

But Daddy knows that I need this time and he gives me it. If he asks me what I'm doing and I'm having little time, i will tell him. He usually follows that with a "good baby girl" rather than "what the fuck is wrong with you". He lets me be me - good and bad.

I've thankfully only had bad time in front of him. A panic attack that he talked me though it, even pulling my blanket over me to help ease the shaking. He took charge the way no one else ever had and kept me from spiralling. This is wildly helpful to me and something only someone who I gave given explicit control over me could do.

And that's what being a sub is. I give Daddy control over me and I obey him. Even when I don't really want to (like go outside after 21 days of glorious confinement) cause at the heart of it, he is doing everything for my benefit. To nurture me and help me grow. 

This is what a DDlg relationship is. Having someone who will take care of all of your needs, from the 'mundane' to the down right naughty. Someone who helps nurture the inner child in you by whichever way you need and is able to give the woman in you immense pleasure and devotion.

And for me, that's a perfect mix.

1 comment

  1. I really like the angle you have taken on this and am glad that you have posted about how DD/lg works for you, what it is and what it isn't. I think it is very misunderstood and I have seen that even in the kink world where people tend to me more open-minded. It sounds like you have just the right dynamic for you and you clearly get a lot of love and support from the way that you are together. Thank you for linking up :)