Piss right off

I was going to call this post "Respect, Honorifics and why your not better than anyone else" but after reading the original blog post that set me off I decided my new title is pretty much on the mark.

Tonight as I casually strolled through Twitter - something I am want to do when I'm lonely - I came across a post from a Sub page about "Honorifics". Not actually knowing what the word meant I thought I would give the post a read ... and fuck me was that a mistake.

Now, I know I am new to the BDSM community ... but what I am not new to is bullshit. And that article has it piled high. I ordinarily would just brush it off. I'm a firm believer in the whole if you don't like it scroll past thing but the more i read it the more I feel annoyed. As a sub, I GIVE my Dom control. I happily hand over many aspects of my life to Daddy as he has both earned that responsibility and also has earned the high level of respect I give him.

And while he holds more than most, I do give every human I interact with a basic level of respect. I don't care what you do for a living, the colour of your skin, the gender you identify with or the one you find most sexually attractive. You as a person will get instant respect from me, and will keep it as long as you don't abuse that respect.

This dude on the other hand, has rattled my cage so much tonight I find it difficult to give him anything more that serious side eye and an uncomfortable curiosity as to how he treats people in his day to day life.

So what got me so pissed off??

Let's go back to that word first and the definition the author gave.

"The use of Sir or Ma'am is not all or exclusively about respect. "Respect" does not mean "submission". It's about conveying honor as a title or grammatical form used in speaking to or about a superior or elder. 
These are called "Honorifics". As there is a "Hierarchy" in the BDSM Lifestyle as is in any Master/Mistress – slave/sub relationship, Dominants are "superior" to slaves/submissives in this hierarchy."

Let's just break that down for a second. Yes I grew up in an age where as a sign of respect to your elders you would call them Sir or Miss/Ma'am. That's an action that is taken as manners in most societies. And showing someone respect is fine. But honor? No chance.

The title of Dom/Master/Sir in the context of BDSM is a very honoured title yes but that honour is EARNED. Its not given freely just because you happen to like taking on the more dominant role in a scene. I would never call another Dom by such a title out of respect for my Daddy (who I can imagine would hit the fucking roof if he heard me talk to another man like that) and out of respect for myself cause no-one, I repeat NO ONE is my master but him. 

The fact that Daddy owns me and is, for all intents and purposes, my master is because he has earned that right and I have given it freely to him. This also means that I have the power to take that control away should be ever epically fuck it up - why then would I give such a title to some random person I just met when doing so has a greater significance to those in the BDSM community. 

Another point I would like to make to any new subs reading this that might not see a problem. 

"As there is a "Hierarchy" in the BDSM Lifestyle as is in any Master/Mistress – slave/sub relationship, Dominants are "superior" to slaves/submissives in this hierarchy."

I think fucking not!

Just because I am submissive doesn't mean I am beneath ANYONE in any hierarchy. What agreement you have came to with your Dom is between you, but please listen when I say, you as a person are not below anyone in any pecking order. You as a sub have just as much, if not more control than your Dom, as without the gift of your submission, they have nothing to be dominant over. You hold the trump card and don't for a second let anyone make you feel as shitty as that comment made me feel. Perhaps I'm tired but that comment boiled my piss!

On Twitter I have spoke to many wonderful people. Some Doms, some subs and some I have interacted with as a couple. I find this fascinating as I can get a feel for how the lifestyle works for both sides. But never in a million years would I refer to any of the Doms as Sir, Master, Daddy - or any other title they go by for 3 reasons ...

  1. it's fucking weird. I don't know them.
  2. they are not my Daddy, they don't deserve that title from me.
  3. how shitty must that make their sub feel?

I would claw the eyes out of a sub who called my Dom "Daddy". She has no right to do that. In the same way no one has or should ever call me "Baby Girl" and if they did would be corrected immediately. Those are not just words to be thrown around or handed out like candy. In the BDSM community they mean something. They are important, and I'll be fucked if I'm gonna ruin something special to me and Daddy just cause some outdated idiot thinks he's superior to me!

**I would link to the article, However I'm not adding to his numbers - you can find it easily enough if you are on twitter or google the site The Iron Gate - and the word Honorifics.

No comments