Safe words

Ever been so into a sex session that you get carried away and forget yourself? I know I have. When I cum I'm prone to swearing "oh fuck oh fuck" and on occasion when feeling my partner starting to wane I have been know to tell "no no no" ... which is also usually is the moment he stops worried and I've lost my orgasm. Fuck!

In the BDSM world though, there are scenes where you might want to shout no and definitely don't want your partner to stop. This is where safe words are key!

The point of a safe word is to have a way to indicate your need to slow down and/or stop using something that cannot be construed as part of the play. They are useful in every type of sexual activity, however are essential in BDSM.

Many chose the traffic light system. Green meaning go ahead - Amber/yellow meaning it's getting a but intense, I might need to slow down - Red meaning stop. And as part of the trust you have in your Dom and the respect you have for your sub, means these words are adhered to. Without fail!

My personal safe word is pineapples. Why? Cause I've never been in a sexual experience where I have ever or would ever need to use the word pineapples. So it's not something that would be part of play, like no and stop for example. Also it's hard to miss ... pineapples ... it's longer than red so if I'm painting or starting to lose my voice my Dom can still pick up on it and it's so out of place that even if he was to get really into the scene, hearing me say pineapples does make him go "eh?" Then snap out of his moment.

Safe words serve a very good purpose but they must be discussed and they must be used when needed. There would be no point in saying your word if your Dom doesn't know what it is.

There is no shame in using you safe word either, and I can't emphasise that enough. Since joining BDSM community I have been exploring and experimenting more and more, which is fab but everyone has limits and even if I'm enjoying myself but the pleasure gets too much, Pineapples gets said and my Dom knows to stop. Just cause we stop doesn't mean it's game over. That can always be discussed, but the point is he knows I need a break and stops. It's all about communication and everyone stays safe.

I will also add here that sometimes you might be orally restricted during play. Let's face it you could have anything from a gag to a cock in your mouth, so how do you alert your Dom to your need to stop when you can't use your words?

I find that a swift 3 taps works. Either with a hand or a foot. Your Dom should be in control of the scene and aware of what's happening to pick up your signal but if you find that it isn't picked up on right away, there is nothing to say you can't change the indicator next time. Again, you always need to discuss this with your Dom. Communication and feedback are part of the scene too. You both will lead what works for you this way. Handy if, like me, your Dom is also your partner. You can then improve and adapt to make it amazing for both of you.

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