His happiness is my Reward

I was talking to my therapist the other day and we got onto the topic of Daddy. She is not well versed in all things BDSM, I had to explain a few sessions ago what that meant. When I talk about my dynamic, I do keep it to the point. It’s not always relevant to the session and when he does come up in conversation, I always refer to him by his name.
This is an agreement between Daddy and I, that when in public or in conversation, where it would be somewhat inappropriate to call him Daddy, I am allowed to call him by his name, or baby. I quite like the latter as using his name feels harsh somehow. Same as I would feel if he called me by my name. It just doesn’t sit right.

Anyway, we were talking about my having not been out of my room since the end of December, other than to go to the bathroom, and how I could build up the motivation to do so. This plays into my mental health quite a bit but to sum it up she wanted me to have our next video call in the Livingroom. When she answered the call on Friday and seen I was down there, she was thrilled to bits and asked how I managed it, simple answer … Daddy.

He too was a little concerned that it had been so long and decided to make a request – read order – that I be in the Livingroom 4 days over the next week for at least 1 hour. And I did it.

She was thrilled and when we talked about it, (she’s keen to roping him in to help with more of my treatment), I realised how I was able to put my anxiety out of my head for a short period of time – It’s because I wanted to please Daddy. Doing something like that, even if I don’t really want to (for silly reasons) makes him happy, and in return that happiness is my reward. When he seen I was in the Living Room, he told me he was proud of me which I’m starting to love. I love making him proud of me. I love making him happy and it makes me happy knowing the gorgeous smile on his face is because of me. It makes doing the things he asks me easier cause even if it's not something that really merits a “reward”, I have still made him happy which in its own way is a reward which satisfies my submissive needs.

I wanna clarify that though because I know some people might twitch at that statement. 

While yeah, I didn’t want to leave my room – It's my safe space where I can be in my own little nest and essentially hide away from the world and the difficulty of life just now – Its not healthy. I am 100% aware of that, but when it comes to actually making the change needed, I can easily become overwhelmed. Thanks to lockdown and Covid life, my anxiety has got to the point that even leaving my room can trigger an anxiety attack. On these occasions Daddy can sometimes step in to help.

He looks at the situation, assesses it and then will make “requests”. I am usually given a time scale for things (the 4 days over a week for example) and he is encouraging the whole time. If it’s something I really REALLY don’t think I can cope with, he will either break it down further, perhaps only asking me to leave my room once, or he will give me a temporary pass. This is when we will work our way up to something, and I mean we as he is with me every step, even if it’s only remotely due to distance.

He never makes me do anything that is dangerous or will be hurtful to me. He only ever tries to improve my life, including helping with my recovery. To some people I can understand how it might look. The notion of a request does infer that there will be a punishment of some kind for failing but I’ve never came across one. It’s never even been brought up. Because when it comes to my mental illness, he would never punish me and he would never use it against me.

He loves to take care of me. That is what makes him happy. 

He is a caregiver Dom first and foremost and he likes to take care of his baby girl. To him, that is his role as a Daddy and when he can’t it causes him stress. It’s a balance I can struggle though. On my really bad mental health days, nothing can help me and I can feel guilty that my illness has a negative impact on him, but we have discussed this and we both understand/agree that there are somethings I have to just handle on my own. He’s happy to stand at the side, watching and waiting to get tagged in if he can help. He loves me and loves to make me happy.

And in return, his happiness makes me happy. It’s the reward I get as his submissive. It's not the only one though. He is also a pleasure Dom for example, which pretty much guarantees that I’m going to cum till I pass out, but that in itself makes me happy, which makes him happy and round and round we go.

Being in out dynamic is amazing because there are so many different aspects to it. It’s a franken-relationship. We have picked the parts of things we like – a handful of D/s, a touch of S&M, a sprinkle of service and a good dose of DDlg, all mixed together and poured into what we already have as a foundation of a good relationship - patience, understanding, compassion, desire to care and protect the other person, and unconditional love. It comes naturally to us which means we never see our relationship as work or something we have to deal with. It's only when outside factors, like lockdown come into it, that we have to work at a solution.

What we have is unique to us and it’s what we want our relationship to be like. His pleasure as a Dom is making me happy and my pleasure as a sub is to see him happy.

It’s a win-win all round.

No True Way

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