33 years young

Today I am 33 years young.

And while I’m not one for being all “awe fuck I’m getting old" I am prone to reminisce – or perhaps evaluate is more accurate.

So, I guess the question to ask yourself after every trip around the sun is are you happy with where you are in life? And I can honestly say I am.

When I think about this question, I look at the big picture. As someone with bad mental health issues, it’s very easy to only focus on the negative, but I’m trying to change that.

Yes, I have what is classed as “severe mental illness". And recently there has been a suggestion that I should add PTSD to my list. It is what it is. Just one more thing I need to live with, however big picture, I have coping techniques that can help me. I have family and friends who support me and I’m on the wait-list for a psychologist. As long as I can hold on, I know I’m gonna be ok. I’m not ready to quit fighting yet.

I have a son who is just awesome. I don’t care if it’s unbecoming to boast, my kid rocks! He’s the most caring and generous wee boy ever. He has his moments like all teens do but he helps take care of me in my dark days and always makes me laugh. Being a single mama is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it is by far the best. I wouldn’t change anything about my life with him and I get to watch him grow up to be what I believe will be a lovely guy 

I have a man who loves me no matter what. He knows my deepest darkest secrets and yet he never judges me, never looks at me with that horrible pity in his eyes and he accepts me as I am. Yes, I wish I could see him more but big picture, we are so in love that we will have the rest of our lives to live together. He’s teaching me patience which I never thought possible and it's just one of the many things he’s taught me in the year I’ve known him.

I’m gonna be an auntie again and I can’t wait. I thought by this point in my life I would have had another baby, but life has a way of switching it up and if I can’t have another of my own then I can spoil the teen more as well as my nieces and nephew. Although I’m 300+ miles away from them, they will grow up knowing their auntie loves them more that I will ever be able to show, but I’ll give it a damn good try.

Covid has kinda ruined the world which no-one can really escape from but I have been able to weather the storm in my home, with my son, and have food on our table, a warm roof over our heads and clean clothes on our back. Realistically, anything above and beyond that is just icing on the birthday cake. I have my family still mostly intact; I have my extended family who are healthy, and I have my sanity 90% of the time.

I have a good life and I am grateful for every part of it

No comments