Bloody Typical

What is the actual fucking point!!!

Am a hormonal ball of rage just now in the fetal position on my bed realising that I’m not going to get to enjoy the full selection of the dungeon this weekend, if at all.

Its looking more and more like endometriosis is the front runner for what is making my lady garden all thorny and shit. I’ve been having episodes of pain since I got home – Not as bad as at the hospital but then I’ve been permanently attached to my hot water bottle and not had random strangers pushing on my stomach or inserting speculums. But as I lie here in pain, wondering how much damage 3 paracetamol and 3 ibuprofen could really do, realising my bleeding yet a-fucking-gain means I have no hope of getting to try the sybian. The odds of test driving an anal hook seem minimal and I have zero hope in spending many glorious hours being dominated by Daddy while he makes me squirt like a champ.

I have been looking forward to this time with daddy for almost a month now and its all going up in flames. I really needed this too. I’ve been desperate for that closeness, that connection with him as my Dom for more than just the odd moment but it looks like it’s not gonna happen. He’s been so patient and seems to be coping OK with not getting to dominate me, compared to my feeling agitated and practically desperate to submit to him. This is just magnifying how bad I am at being patient. Its been so long since we really got to let go for a session and this was gonna be my shot.

Its funny that Queen’s Show must go on had just came on my shuffle as "inside my heart is breaking". I feel like the pain, hormones and frustration combined is gonna make me burst into tears. I've been living with chronic pain for years, I don't need any more of it. And if this is going to become a regular thing, what is it gonna do to my sex life? 

How is this happening that I can finally have the best sex of my life. Finally have someone who lets me explore and is able to control me, only for my body to seriously let me down. Its not fair! Yeah I'm being a total brat right now but I don't care. I'm annoyed! 

I know what Daddy would say too. "We have all the time in the world to play in the dungeon" but then  I don’t know if Daddy would be up for another trip down south after this. Its so much work for him. More than I think I realised, and this was gonna be his reward as it were. I doubt he is really bothered about meeting my family, and its a huge drive for him. I had said that he can relax this weekend but hes kinda right when he says he wont really though. So I was all the more aware that I had to make this as nice a time as I could for him, and now my body has betrayed me. 

Am actually gutted.

I was so close to getting some alone time with Daddy where we could really get to be naughty and mother nature has just walked up on me and took a big stinking shite all over my plans and smeared fuck you into the carpet for good measure.

Ugh, I’m away to soak in a bubble bath while I mentally smash shit.

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