Ugh, Sometimes i really wonder if i wanna be dating. Its not as much fun as it used to be.

Mr J was being weird, keeps reiterating that we are not a couple and that we are both free to do what we want. Fine with me cause i agree. And I'm not naive. I know this is his way to get to do what he likes while still spending time with me. That's fine too ... Cause its not a relationship i want, but it also means I'm free to see other guys too.

This was all fine until we were out one night and i caught the attention of some other guys.

I'm not a big enough bitch to be flirting with other guys while I'm out with someone but clearly this is not a courtesy awarded to me by Mr J. Each time its his turn to go to the bar, i watch him flirt and touch other women. Way disrespectful to me in my opinion but hes "free" to do what he wants. Other guys clearly picking up on this isn't OK with him though, as evident when i went to the bar.

This gorgeous big guy with the biggest bushy beard came and stood next to me while i was waiting to be served. I'm a total pogonophile, so i don't feel i got enough credit for keeping my undies on during that interaction but i digress.

So big beard came over and while leaning against the bar asked me how my night was going. I was polite and said it was good, would be better is the music was different (dance music playing was killing my brain - I'm a rock chick). He agreed, and asked if he could buy me a drink. I thanked him for his offer but told him i was actually here with someone. Turns out he knew that, but seen Mr J hitting on other women so assumed it wasn't serious - and that's as far as the conversation got before i felt hands on my hips grabbing me tight.

Turning to see Mr J looking rather annoyed, he started staring at big beard almost in a confrontational way, while pulling me close to him. He had clearly seen our interaction and wasn't happy. Not sure why as big beard didn't touch me while i watched Mr J touch 2 separate women. But whatever, we're both free to do what we want. Right?

"Come one babe, i wanna head out". OK, i guess my night is done then. So we leave, but i make a point of saying bye to big beard - who is looking quite aggressive towards Mr J and a casual glance over to beards group of pals, hes not the only one looking pissed off. I guess it was noticed by more that just me how Mr J was behaving and the looks on these guys faces tell me, I'm also not the only one unhappy at his reaction.

The taxi back to mine was a bit weird. He was very quiet which gave me time to think. And i was getting pissed off. I didn't do anything wrong and i was feeling like i was getting the silent treatment. What the fuck was that about? If he didn't have to come back to mine to get his stuff i would have made my own way home but we weren't alone so i kept quiet.

When we got back into the house, he slammed the door and pushed me against the wall by kissing me. It was different! Our first and only other time together was a train-wreck so i figured maybe this was gonna be a bit more of the rough we spoke about before.

Getting pushed up the stairs to the bedroom was also part of the fun for me. Its weird that he needed to feel jealous to get this passionate but maybe that's how he rolls - I'm not gonna judge - and pulling my clothes off and spanking me for being a bad girl was hot as fuck. Where i drew the line though was the shit he was talking. While penetrating me - without foreplay i might add - he started having a go about me chatting up other men. Each time his thrusting harder had started to hurt.

"How dare you talk to other men, you are mine" - Hmm I'm not but OK, maybe this is part of the game. "Don't you ever fucking disrespect me like that again" - Now wait a fucking minute here. This was the dude that keeps saying over and over that we are not a couple. This is also the guy that i watched touch one woman's cheek and brush the hair of a seconds bare shoulder while supposedly on a date with me. No now I'm pissed off again and hes hurting me. "I didn't do anything wrong and your hurting me"

Slap.

This motherfucker just slapped my face. I saw absolute red at that point and i slapped him back so hard my hand was on fire. Granted compared to the slap he gave me, i walloped him and I'm not proud of that but who the fuck does he think he is lifting his hands to me.

A bit of history about me here just now - i have been in a violent relationship before. It was horrific and i promised myself i would never let that happen again. I know that slapping can be part of the play scene but nothing was discussed about that yet. This was our second time having sex and i would be damned if i let any man ever raise their hand to me in anger again. I wont ever start a fight but if someone puts their hands on me, they are fair game at that point.

I stunned him though. Enough for him to call me a crazy bitch and get off me. He promptly got his clothes flung at him and told to fuck off. I marched his angry ass down the stairs while he was pulling his shirt on and gave him time to pull his boots on before i ushered him out the door and locked it.

Not another word was spoken and i switched my phone off so that he wouldn't be able to annoy me anymore tonight.

I cried myself to sleep. So angry and hurt.

Fucking men!