Lost submission

 


I fear I have lost my submission.

It’s been slowly disappearing for a while, what with lockdown keeping Daddy and I apart and then both of us being in pain and his work schedule, there are so many obstacles in front of us, and as a result my submission has gone.

It wasn’t a conscious choice on my part. But having seen Daddy twice in 2021, it’s not easy to feel submissive. That’s 0.8% of my year has been with him. How can you maintain a BDSM relationship like that? It’s not that I don’t want him to be my Dom either. It’s that nothing we do or say involves D/s and hasn’t for a while. 

I don’t feel I can even address it anymore as I’m struggling to get him to talk to me in any other form than text or him calling while driving to work. It’s made me feel so distant and if I’m honest like I’m lost. He is who I want. I don’t want to be with anyone but him yet I feel like I don’t have him.

I look at my toy box and I’m full of resentment. I’m angry. Angry that I don’t feel connect to my partner anymore, angry that things in my life are changing in ways I don’t like but I’m incapable of stopping them. Angry that the one thing I want, to be with him, is becoming harder as the weeks go by.

That safety I felt is gone. Its been so long since I’ve been dominated that I feel alone. I haven’t had that release, been in that subspace that makes me feel balanced in a long time. 

Even if I had to give up my submission, I think I would  if it meant I had him more. But here I am left with neither really.

It makes me sad.


 


 



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