I mean really - its something the majority of us participate in and yet talking about it makes most uncomfortable. I hand on heart don't understand why.
But then i look back on my sex life and i cringe.
I wasted so many years having terrible sex cause i didn't have the confidence to say what i wanted, and even the great sex I've had in my life, was focused on what he wanted. But weirdly enough that done something for me. I seem to get sexual gratification from knowing my partner is seriously turned on. I love seeing his eyes rolling as I'm giving head and i get seriously turned on by hearing him moan. Having him take charge and use me like his little play thing was the ultimate for me - cause i knew i would always cum.
Turns out I'm made to be submissive.
Which was actually quite a shock to me and the friends i discussed it with. Having been in an abusive relationship in my early 20's, the last thing i would have thought that would turn me on was having a man control me, and yet here i was, pinned to the bed and loving it.
It was only an occasional thing in that relationship though as he didn't really feel comfortable with anything more than vanilla. Fair enough, and i wasn't one to push boundaries (then anyway) but now that that relationship is behind me and I'm ready to get back out there, i want more. I want to experience something beyond vanilla ... I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.
So this is my diary - journey - rant (whatever you wanna call it) into the weird and wonderful world of BDSM and finally getting what i want.
Fingers crossed.
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