“Why are you so willing to talk about sex?”
“Cause no one else seems to be!”
This is an honest to the gods question that my bestie asked, and the answer just stumped her.
Growing up I was always interested in everything. Where people used to accuse me of being nosy, I did not see it like that. I saw it as I was trying to learn and the more people tried to curb my knowledge, the more I was determined to find out.
When it came to sex though there was always this weird response. Yes I agree that there is a limited amount of information that a child needs, but the whole concept of gender, sexuality and procreation fascinated me. How can simple tiny microscopic things create a whole new human! That to me was like a fascinating magic trick that no one wanted to share how it was done.
Even finding my fathers porn magazines confused and fascinated me. Why were these women posing like this? Why did they look like that? Would I look like that? What is the point?
So many questions.
One day when I was 10, my mum decided it was time to tell me the basics. I remember she brought me into her room and handed me a book answering questions about puberty, procreation, periods and sex. It’s a book I still have 20 years later, though very outdated. It's a book aimed at teaching kids about the birds and the bees with funky diagrams and a glossary with words I had never heard before. Once I read the book, I was promised that any further questions would be answered. And she kept her promise.
Years later at the age of 32, I am still able and willing to discuss practically any topic with my mum. We have the kind of relationship where I know she will try her best not to judge, even if her initial reaction might be one of “oh my”. I remember asking her about how to give a blowjob and I confided in her when I first squirted as I was shocked thinking, I pissed myself – that one had her in giggles. Its something I cherish with my mum as I know that no matter what I have someone I can talk to.
I am also aware that not everyone has that relationship with their parents or even with their friends and that makes me sad. I enjoy discussing things regardless of how taboo they might be. Don’t get me wrong there are topics I hold very strong opinions on and no one will ever be able to change them, but I am open to learning for the majority of topics, but you can only grow by discussing and being open to learning. If you shut down the conversation from the get-go then you will get nowhere.
So why did I pick sex?
Well its simple, I enjoy sex. It is a fun activity that for some reason people feel uncomfortable about. Sex between two consenting adults is a beautiful thing and it should be celebrated for that, not kept secret like its some kind of seedy disgusting thing.
I remember having a conversation with my granny about her wedding night and how she was terrified as all her mum had told her was she will be required to “do things” her husband wanted to do. She was in fear then and when she was in labour with my uncle (her first child) as she didn’t even know how she would be giving birth. Having an 80-year-old woman tell me, deadpan, that she though she was going to have to poop him out made my heart hurt. How terrifying and wrong that something everyone did, was so secretive that she had to go through that. We also discussed her attitude towards sex and that with her first husband, sex was something she did to please him. I was gob smacked till I realised that I too was doing that.
At the time sex was just something that couples did and while it was fun, it just was what it was. Till last year when I met the man who would open my eyes to how amazing sex really could be. He opened my eyes to this whole new world and he still surprises me with ideas that I am desperate to try. I get that he says I need to pace myself and learn to crawl before I walk, let alone run, but its like telling someone who thought that raisins were a sweetie, that they now had the keys to the whole sweet shop.
So now I want to talk about it. I want to learn everything that I can, and I want to help make it less of a taboo topic and more mainstream. Granted the sex I have isn’t perhaps for everyone but its also not a nasty dirty act either.
Sex is fun, and there is so much more to it than just thrust, cum and done.
Oh, so much more.
One day when I was 10, my mum decided it was time to tell me the basics. I remember she brought me into her room and handed me a book answering questions about puberty, procreation, periods and sex. It’s a book I still have 20 years later, though very outdated. It's a book aimed at teaching kids about the birds and the bees with funky diagrams and a glossary with words I had never heard before. Once I read the book, I was promised that any further questions would be answered. And she kept her promise.
Years later at the age of 32, I am still able and willing to discuss practically any topic with my mum. We have the kind of relationship where I know she will try her best not to judge, even if her initial reaction might be one of “oh my”. I remember asking her about how to give a blowjob and I confided in her when I first squirted as I was shocked thinking, I pissed myself – that one had her in giggles. Its something I cherish with my mum as I know that no matter what I have someone I can talk to.
I am also aware that not everyone has that relationship with their parents or even with their friends and that makes me sad. I enjoy discussing things regardless of how taboo they might be. Don’t get me wrong there are topics I hold very strong opinions on and no one will ever be able to change them, but I am open to learning for the majority of topics, but you can only grow by discussing and being open to learning. If you shut down the conversation from the get-go then you will get nowhere.
So why did I pick sex?
Well its simple, I enjoy sex. It is a fun activity that for some reason people feel uncomfortable about. Sex between two consenting adults is a beautiful thing and it should be celebrated for that, not kept secret like its some kind of seedy disgusting thing.
I remember having a conversation with my granny about her wedding night and how she was terrified as all her mum had told her was she will be required to “do things” her husband wanted to do. She was in fear then and when she was in labour with my uncle (her first child) as she didn’t even know how she would be giving birth. Having an 80-year-old woman tell me, deadpan, that she though she was going to have to poop him out made my heart hurt. How terrifying and wrong that something everyone did, was so secretive that she had to go through that. We also discussed her attitude towards sex and that with her first husband, sex was something she did to please him. I was gob smacked till I realised that I too was doing that.
At the time sex was just something that couples did and while it was fun, it just was what it was. Till last year when I met the man who would open my eyes to how amazing sex really could be. He opened my eyes to this whole new world and he still surprises me with ideas that I am desperate to try. I get that he says I need to pace myself and learn to crawl before I walk, let alone run, but its like telling someone who thought that raisins were a sweetie, that they now had the keys to the whole sweet shop.
So now I want to talk about it. I want to learn everything that I can, and I want to help make it less of a taboo topic and more mainstream. Granted the sex I have isn’t perhaps for everyone but its also not a nasty dirty act either.
Sex is fun, and there is so much more to it than just thrust, cum and done.
Oh, so much more.
You're so right! I was nodding in many places - I am that curious type too! I love talking about things which make others squiggly!
ReplyDeleteI loved your raisin/ sweetshop analogy. Great post