Which is probably why more often than not I need to be disciplined by Daddy. I have a love/hate relationship with it though. While I do like sometimes being spanked and controlled, there is this inner brat (my inner chimp who I call Gloria) who kicks against it fiercely.
Its almost as if there are two parts to me. A yin and yang that while they fight each other, collectively make me my unique self.
Gloria is my chimp – I realised her presence after reading about chimp theory (You can find a little info here). For a while I was just thinking I was a self-destructive idiot whereas I learned that its actually the primal side (chimp) that is the one reacting so uncontrollable. While she is a pain in the ass at some points, her automatic jump to protection mode has saved me on many an occasion.
Its only recently that I realised she is also the part that is an epic brat! When Daddy says something I might not necessarily like/agree with, part that is me knows that I should just keep quiet as he’s probably goading me, but she takes the bait every damn time! Which often results in me talking myself into harsher punishments, much to the delight of Daddy.
I enjoy pushing the boundaries. Its part of the fun for me. There is a definite power exchange in BDSM where I as the sub am submitting to my Dom, willingly I will say, but there is also this part of me that occasionally will make him work for it. I know that’s not acceptable to some Doms, but I am willing to take the punishment that I will incur for being disobedient and I’m not brave enough to push it to the point he gets mad. Daddy is well aware of this though and will only let me playfully push against him before he lets me know when I’m reaching the limits – usually with a look or when he grabs hold of me there is a little more control exerted. If after that I wanna keep going then on my ass be it … Which can be quite fun even though it really hurts.
I like that though and I know Daddy does too. Where he will give me an angry look, I know inside he’s laughing at my bratty ways. He’s openly told me too that he sometimes struggles to keep an stern face going cause he finds it funny plus he gets to punish me how he sees fit, which is really fun for him.
Discipline is part of our life and it can take many forms depending on wither I’m being playful, or wither Gloria has been on the rampage.
Some of the more playful forms can be anything from me being a slave – making coffee, fetching whatever he wants, begging for forgiveness (his new thing is adding humiliation to that by making me speak like a character as I do – hard as fuck to do with a straight face btw) or writing him a poem.
If I speak out of turn – telling him what to do for example then the punishment can be a bit more intense, especially as I cant just stop after the warning and always try to either backtrack or argue my point. Most recently the punishment for being cheeky was having the mindfuck physically taped inside me as I was cuffed to the bed. I was a drooling mess after that one, lying in a pool of cum as he made me squirt and begging for his forgiveness. While multiple orgasms might not seem like much discipline, it’s called the mindfuck for a reason – I was a total mess after about 20 minutes of nonstop orgasm. And he didn’t stop there.
I have only really been an epic brat once which was when I called him an ass-hole while he was making me do a stress position. I fucking HATE stress positions. I’m a bigger gal so having to be squatting on tippy toe is so uncomfortable, bordering on painful. And while he has suggested I can have my feel flat, my 38HH boobies will not allow that as I fall back so the only way I can is on the balls of my feet. I was in a shitty mood as it was as well as hormonal to when I started talking back and he went to punish me, Gloria just went nuts and I couldn’t stop the words escaping my mouth. That would have been an horrendous punishment to take but after about a month of fear of repercussion, Lock down happened and we agreed that it was too long since my fuck up to be punished as we have no alone time for him to punish how he wants. I had a guardian angel that day!
Physical punishment is usually how he goes. While humiliation is starting to creep into our play, short of making me talk like Scooby-Doo, there is not really any way he can use it as a discipline tool just now. And mental punishment is pretty much a no go for me. Where he will sometimes pretend to ignore me by looking on his phone while I’m being bratty, he would never ever properly give me the silent treatment as a form of correcting my behaviour. Not only does he know how much that would hurt me, it’s also cruel and in my opinion no Daddy should ever do that to their sub. Especially as we are long distance just now, Him purposefully ignoring me would be so damaging.
So, he is left with physical punishment. Spanking – either with his hand or with an implement, Stress positions and orgasm denial. Lock down aside, my preferred is spanking but he can’t exactly reach through the phone and spank me I’m left with stress positions. Probably why I’ve been trying not to be really bratty recently as they suuuuuuuck! He is missing punishing me though as he has had to let a lot slide recently and it is craving getting my ass nice and red with the paddle.
I just have to hope that post lock down I can reign myself in a bit before he gets that in his hand … oft I can almost imagine the sting.
I’m both excited and nervous in equal measure.
I know the book you reference very well, fortunately my chimp (Mabel) has been made very content with the D/s and doesn't act out anymore.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine being long distance makes you creative with forms of punishments, and I hope the lockdown lifts soon so you can get your spanking back.
Take care,
Sweet 🙂
Oh me too, i never would have dreamed I would crave being spanked. But he somehow manages to make it like a release.
DeleteGloria occasionally knows to back down but Daddy is sure he will be able to break her into submission. Gives me goosebumps thinking about it lol xx
Sometimes it is hard to keep things in and I think with the distance it makes it hard. We are the same with no spanking in lockdown but that is because there are too many people in the house. Interesting post :)
ReplyDeleteI think that would be worse. Having your Dom there but not being able to get the release you need. Hopefully your able to get some alone time soon.
DeleteThanks for stopping by xx