When i became a sub, one thing i really struggled with, and probably to a certain extent still do is the feeling of being "needy".

Having pretty much relied solely on myself from a very young age, the action of not only letting another person in was so strange to me but letting them actually "take care of me" threw me through a loop. Even in prior relationships, i pretty much fended for myself, or took on the role of mother. I cooked, cleaned, maintained the relationship and their life for them so they could do whatever they wanted really. It wasn't my wish to do so but i have been a carer in one form or another since i was about 12 so its a role i seem to automatically fall into.

Its because of this i don't like feeling needy. I have always felt like i have to do things for myself, so the simple act of needing Daddy as much as i do, pushes against the way that i have lived for more than 2 decades. It's a completely foreign feeling that i automatically kick against due to fear. I have been conditioned to never need anyone cause they will always let me down and leave. But here is this man asking me to not only let him in, but to become somewhat codependent.

The more this relationship continues though, the more i realise that's a fundamental part of the DDlg dynamic, if not the whole basis of a D/s relationship.

Not only does he not mind that i am so needy when it comes to him, but i feel like he enjoys it. He always pushes for me to stop bottling shit up and makes a point to say he wants to know and see all of me. Even the parts that i dont show anyone. You know the raw bruised parts that you hide away for fear of ridicule and shame - He's mental enough to keep trying to touch those parts. He wants to see them, caress them and show them the sunlight.

I've never been one to be codependent on another. The very term has inherently negative meanings. But i am starting to see that there are actually a lot of benefits to this power exchange. Especially for someone like me who has mental health issues and would happily hide away with the broken parts of me.

Where many might see needing reassurance from another as a form of my anxiety, it works for me because i need that reassurance to know that even when i feel my worst, most damaged, unlovable self - he can make believe that the feeling is temporary and that i am so loved. Some see it as him possibly harbouring my anxiety, but he is actually silencing it.

While needing another person's praise might seem like a weakness, for me it makes me want to strive to do better. I like knowing that he is proud of me and that things i do make him happy, so when he asks me if i have remembered to eat and i have, he is happy and i have managed to take care of myself. It's a win win.

During a bad spell of depression where i go 22 days without leaving the house, he gives me jobs to do in town that i can focus on, and not on how much i feel anxious about being outside my safe space. This lets me break the cycle i get caught in while getting the feeling i have accomplished something in making him happy.

And while this might not work for everyone, in the D/s relationship - more specifically DDlg, it is actually a massive part of the power exchange.

I like being taken care of and having my needs met, while he likes having the ability to take care of his "baby girl". So why should it matter if im codependent - if anything i would say it was an interdependent relationship. Without the sub there is no Dom and without being dependent on each other for this need to be filled, then there is nothing there.

I need him yes, but there are many ways that i am starting to see he needs me too, and that can only be a good thing in a relationship. If we both continue to need and push each other to grow and develop then we can only become stronger.

What's not to love about that?